Blog much ?

Yeah, I know, I haven't blogged in even more a forever than ever! I am sorry for those of you that happen to read up on my life and who are no longer entertained by my non-existent blog. There really haven't been too much to blog about. My job was going ok, my personal life however, down the drain. So I decided to quit my job, and take care of my personal life instead. Only future will know if that was a good choice, but I honestly think it is -I can always make those extra 200grand a year some other time. My relationship however, n

ot going to come back if it breaks down.

The last two weekends have been spent by having cousin over (8 year old), and this weekend by having Kristin, "little sister" and Lise over for wine. My old boss and wife + dog came by too, which made it really awesome. Five bottles of wine later the "kids" went out, I stayed home, boss and wife +dog stayed an extra half hour and me and boyfriend went to bed earlier than any of the girls or others did -since some think we are the most boring crowd ever! However, I don't like going out to crowded loud bars with way too many drunk people -and also paying ridiculous amounts of money for drinks that hardly contain any alcohol. So boring or not, it's just the way I am.

Anyways, back to random blogging...

Lately I've been getting upset over the most random things, annoyed that people really don't seem to be very intelligent, but just careless and say the most random things about anything. Like politics for instance, not that that's a subject I know a lot about, but people just seem to be rambling about everyone else's opinions, instead of having their ow

n. Ok, I might be unfair, but I really think it seems like people just spit out whatever they read in the news, or whatever someone told them, whether it be parents, friends or the damn TV.

One of the government channels have been focusing on drug prices in Norway, not drugs as in narcotics or abuse -but drugs, as in any kind -blood pressure pills, cholesterol, anti-depressants, you name it they have looked at it. They even compared the prices to the pharmacies compared to the prices sold to the hospitals. It's not that I mind them focusing on this, quite frankly maybe our prices and the pricing system isn't optimal, but they are making us, the pharmacy look like that bad guys. That really pisses me off. We are not the bad guys. I know for a fact that the drugs are about 75 per cent of what we sell in the pharmacy, however, we make only 45 per cent of our income from it, because of the cheap prices. If it weren't for the very low prices, maybe we wouldn't have to sell all this other "crap" that we sell in the pharmacies. Thanks to our degree however, we don't compromise too much, and don't appreciate selling stuff to people just for the sales argument. If it is to help people, or to make them feel good about themselves (e.g. a nice face cream) then I don't find it too bad. I mean, it's either in our store, a beauty store, a perfum store, or quite frankly at your nearest ICA -so why not us.

I am proud to be a pharmacist, and I like to know that pharmacists or chemists are behind most products you buy anywhere. The quality we bring out to our customers, not just with our knowledge, but with the products we have should be appreciated and not stomped upon by some channel making us look bad. Yes, all companies can get better, yes, most companies sell stuff that makes them money, but guess what, if it wasn't for those stuff making us money, there would be no company and no service to the people. Would you really rather get your drugs off some machine outside ICA -like you now get your cigarettes ? Isn't there a part of you that feels safe knowing that the medicines you eat are safe to combine? What machine would ever catch that without TALKING to you.... I guess in some future there will be a list of medicines that are connected to you as an individual wherever you go, and the machines might actu

ally have a possibility to catch that since it is all in form -but is that the society we want? Machines instead of people ? I mean, who knows, maybe we don't even need cashiers at supermarkets, we just send our groceries/list through a machine, and they get delivered on the outside -or on your doorstep..

To something completely different...

I also get fascinated by the amounts of pictures of other peoples kids people post on Facebook. A gagdillion of them too... I mean, it's ok, Facebook is a good media, but some times I wonder if people actually know what they put out there. Especially when it is not your own kids, I mean, fair enough, you might be their aunt or their godmother or their cousin -but does the parents of these kids really allow all these photos of their tinys out there?

Just sayin'

XOXO

M

The internet

I think my family, and me have had computers since I can't even remember... 1992? We had an old IBM we got from someone who was upgrading their office computers, it had windows 3.11 on it, and was horribly interface wise. Then we got our first computer with win95 (or was there ever a win93? I'm deliberately not googling that). It was awesome, so much easier to use, and it was attached to a modem -and we had THE INTERNEEETS. I have no idea how it happened, but somehow I managed to get both ICQ and mIRC -can't remember what came first. My first friend on ICQ was canadian melissa, which I have no idea what is doing right now. on mIRC I found several from my own area, and sadly I must admit that is where I met my first boyfriend -haha.

Somehow I managed to end up getting to know people from Narvik in the chats, and I had this bunch of friends from Narvik and the Oslo area that I met in Oslo the summer of '99. Tonje (from Spydeberg) is still one of my fairly good friends (we don't keep in touch too often, but then again she lives abroad). I also met Sigve who has a fairly well known blog in norwegian politics or something... (hey, I hate politics). Turned out that I went to this LAN party that Narvik was holding, and I met my second boyfriend (hahaha) Torje. To be honest I have to admit he was the love of my life for several years, the first man I ever loved, and the one man it took me ages to get over. I finally knew I was over him when I realized how big his front teeth was (no offence hon, they just was compared to others). Now he is happily engaged to his girlfriend for years, almost ever since we broke up in fact -his old best friend that I already knew would be the right one for him -good for them!:)

Anyway, Narvik and mIRC found me a lot of friends, and we moved in to the era of msn. Ever since MSN, even though ICQ was mostly "friends only", I feel like the internet has become more and more "friends only". On mIRC you would always find someone you didn't know (up to a certain time of hanging on there), and meeting new friends online wasn't too hard. Then again, it was mostly geeks that were online back in those days, and not "everyone". Haha, I'm turning in to one of those old ladies who thinks everyone was so much better in the past (lol of self).

Through the internet I met new friends, whenever I moved I met new people where I moved through the chat, mainly IRC, since as mentioned, MSN isn't really a place where you pick up random people. Then myspace came along, and probably things before that which I never knew about. I never really found myspace to be the big hit. When I was studying pharmacy this new thing called facebook came along, and somehow me and my bestfriend Kristian, even though we thought FB was silly, we decided to see who could catch the most friends/old people we knew and we made a FB account each. Turned out he knew more people than me, no shocker there. Facebook is still a closed medium, but with all the shares that goes around there, it really isn't a very safe place to put your kids picture or a lot of personal information..

Now to my half-point. Even though we have all these closed communities online (in the old days I got to know people through planetarion and it's community), we still don't get too far away from new people. All over the place people are making these things called blogs, and everywhere people are reading about eachothers lives, and getting to "know" eachother through their blogs. The important thing to remember is that we DON'T know these people. We think we might, but we don't. However, I do admire the ones that put their whole lives, and whole self-worth out there for us to inspect - you guys are amazing. If you haven't seen these people already, let me recomment Lise, Marie, Talented Gudrun, Ida, Kayso, my old friend Trine, Hedda (cute 17 year old currently exchanging in the US), and all those others out there. Sofsen is pretty awesome too, although hasn't blogged to much lately, but maybe after new years resolutions she will?

All I can say is, that so far I only know one of these fab girls in person, and I hope that 2011 let's me meet atleast one, or maybe two of them!:) You girls are awesome, I admire you, and you deserve some attention. Diem Perdidi is one of my newest attachments to my bloglist. And last but not least, check out my awesome journalist friend Julie, ooh, and her dad Espen too :)

The internet, according to this person

In retrospect, this is how the internet has changed... we are "fans" of eachothers work (well, not too many fans on my part, as hardly anyone "knows" I'm here -not that it matters). It's weird for me not to "Talk" to people through some sort of chat though, because that's always how I've used the internet to get to know people before I actually met them in person.
Have a good weekend guys, I will spend it cuddling with my new HTC Desire :)
xoxo
M

Alone

Lately I've felt alone a lot. That being said, I don't do much to keep in touch with people, so I am partially to blame for my own loneliness. I've always been kind of a loner, not always voluntarily though. The first few years of school I didn't have too many close friends, and the one friend that I did have kind of left me from the age of ten. It hurt me, that she just wanted to be with new girl instead of me, like I wasn't good enough. Come 8th-10th grade I had a couple of good friends, but they were still looked upon as the "cool girls", whilst I was the one who didn't get invited to parties. After we started first grade at high school they moved out of the city, so that year I mainly hung out with the boys in school, and noone outside of school. Luckily I moved away from all these people 2nd to 3rd year of high school and met new people in a new city that accepted me more for who I was. I've never had as many friends as I did the last two years of high school.

First year of college was kind of a bitch. A lot of things happened and the people who were my friends couldn't accept that I was honest about who I was.. Long story short, they got mad at me and rejected me because I couldn't stand up against authorities... I wasn't strong enough back then, I am now. University was a story in itself, starting out the worst year of my life when boyfriend died after being together for about 2-3 months... It changed me, it obviously made me
depresssed, and lonely.... It made me not be very logical or good about things, and whenever people said "are you OK?" I always answered honestly with a "No". That must've been hard to deal with, but honestly, what did they expect? My boyfriend was dead, I was in a new city, and I had lost the second love of my life... It had taken me about four years to get over the first one, and now the second one DIES? I mean, honestly -so not fair.

By the end of university and ridiculous amounts of DRAMA, I've finally settled down in a town where I don't know a lot of people. The people I do know, or used to hang out with moved to FREAKING Canada. Ok, they are not my only friends, but Martine was kind of my best friend, and even though you meet new people, you do miss the ones you've been closest to. Ronja is another example, we have lived together on and off for five years while I was in Tromsø, and I still miss her like crazy and wishes she lived in the same town as me. However, she is a tour guide, and tour guides in Oslo just isn't the same as in Turkey now is it!

I'm not going to list more of my friends, you all know who you are, and that I love you dearly.. Problem is I'm bad at keeping in touch with people. I'm also very touchy, and don't want to be in anyones "way" so to speak... I am too childish and quite frankly kind of DUMB sometimes, when I feel sorry for myself because nobody likes me. Who this nobody is? I don't know. I just feel like everyone else has that certain someone, a friend they either have known all their lives, or a friend that they are VERY close to, even though they are recent friends... Whilst I just don't feel like I matter that much in the big picture. No offense to any of my friends, I just feel like a lesser person, and that I don't matter -and it's not your fault it's mine.

My self esteem is something that has been a problem since those first years of school. Always being abandoned, and left for oneself really hurts... Doesn't help that biodad left me well, almost when I was born. Kind of screws you over in general now doesn't it! It really affects the person you are, if you want to or not. I have tried fighting this, I am fighting this. Seeing myself as someone being worth something, to myself or to others is really hard! I've gotten a lot better, but sometimes, just sometimes... I still feel left alone.

Friends -and about getting older

So as you all know by now, I've had issues all my life. Basically in primary school everyone got teased by this girl, well, alot of us anyway... who by the end of primary school kinda stopped, but still -it had all begun. In secondary school (12-15) I was bullied by all the boys -oh what a great life. I fainted in school because I hadn't eaten for days/weeks and finally had to talk to a nurse about it. I don't know how much my mom knows, we've never really talked about it. It's not because I have a bad relationship with my mom, it's because I find it hard to talk to the people I love about the things that are closest to my heart (it should be oposite, yes).

After the first year of high school I finally left my hometown and moved to the city where my biodad is from. Imagine that. I am also born there for that matter... but anyway. I had a boyfriend there at the time, so it was the most logical place to follow highschool the last two years. In Narvik everything changed, I got friends, real friends, people who cared about me and didn't leave.. Now don't get me wrong, in secondary school (ungdomsskolen) I had Tine and Siri, and to this day we are still in touch.. I won't be overexadurating when I say they were my only friends back then -although Janne was also a part of my sociallife back when.

After that I had a brief year in Kristiansand, then went to Tromsø for pharmacy studies. I never felt I fit in with my Pharmacy co-students. Although, by the third year I felt I had found some people I could trust. After finishing my masters however, things changed, and the person I thought was my best friend kind of turned on me in the beginning of the year, making me feel very sad and depressed about it all... Ah well.

Long story kinda short, now I'm back in Oslo. Although Martine and Andreas have moved to Canada, and there's been a few tears on that, they are still good friends of ours. I miss them, I will always miss them, but hey, they are living in Canada and we will get to visit them and have a blast. Cassandra is one of my new aquaintances ever since I moved down here, and I would actually admit to saying she is pretty much 80% of all my social life outside of work/gym. Torbjørn is always around (well almost) for saturday gym and turkish -and I bet we could have seen more of him, but as we are, he's probably busy during the week. We stay in touch via SMS though, which is good. Then there's the funcommies who are always fun to hang out with -although I must admit my knowledge of GUI's is rather horrible.

All in all, what I wanted to say was - I feel like my life is getting better on the friends side. These people are not bullshit people who act one way and feel another. They say what they think, they do what they want, and don't worry about what everyone else thinks. They are good people, and I love and adore them all in their own little way. Thank you everyone, for making my life a whole lot better.

Now, people change, and friendships change -there's no guarantee all of these people will still be in my life in a year. But right now, I appreciate where we all are in life, and just wanted to blog a bit about how I feel like my life quality has increased by 200% (or more) just because I'm finally out of Uni, and can choose who my friends are, and who the people around me are every day - I love being an "adult".

About biodad -no news, other than I have to find some way to meet him soon. Going mentally insane not knowing, and it's like ripping off a bandaid, it might hurt, but needs to be done. The wound needs air to heal -just do it.

Ice-coffee delievered!

Hey!

Just a short update. I just did 3 rounds in 7 minutes of 10 HPC's and 20 situps (anchored). It was probably not supposed to be HPC's, but they didn't have an 11 kg bar at Spektrum (they don't, I knew from before) they had 20kg, and I chose to do HPC's instead of proper cleans. Anyway, not too happy with only 3 rounds, but then again, I'm not a big dawg, I'm a puppy, and in some cases a buttercup. I warmed up with my usual 1k row (haha, usual, I've done it twice). Improved my time with 3 seconds, so now my time is 4 min 30,6s. Working my way down! I cashed out with 10 jumping smith machine pullups (really managing to hold myself on the way down now). And 3x10 HSPU with my feet on a bench, well, feet, I had my thighs on it, right above my knees (gotta start somewhere).

But to the topic, Cass brought me a icelatte at work today! She came by the pharmacy randomly and gave me an ice coffee! Oh thank you so much, you made my day and made me feel so incredibly special! <3<3<3 Three hearts for you for being so awesome. I will hang out with you, when we have time.. hehe :) Busy lives. Luckily the pharmacy was not very busy at the time so we managed to chit chat a bit while I had my coffee... Ice coffee.... NOMNOMNOM!

Cooking bacon in bacon (meaning pork wrapped in bacon), waiting for Pete to hurry home after BJJ to eat and run through the shower before going to the movies. I have a feeling we will be late (ah well). Iron man 2 starts at 20:45, and we need to get our tickets from the machine first. Should leave the house around 20.15 to get there on time and all (most likely will be leaving later, I know my man... hmm.)

TTYL
xoxo
M