I have gotten more responses on my last blogpost than any of the previous ones. No wonder, since I have poked around in blogs and left my mark -but anywho, thank you to everyone who has commented, or read my post.. I really, truly appreciate it.
I'm lonely in this city. I have mentioned it before but I mean it, I want to point it out. As I pointed out in the previous post I've never been the kind of girl who had a lot of friends. In addition to that I have a brain that decieves me in to believeing noone likes me, or wants to be with me. Whenever I meet new people I always think that they see me as first of all Fat (mentioned eating disorder thoughts), second of all stupid (bad self-esteem) and lastly pretty lame and boring. Which I guess in some way is true. I don't enjoy going to a crowded bar to hang out and get drunk. First of all, being at a bar where they play loud music, and overcharge you for drinks kind of sucks. Second, I don't enjoy getting drunk in public places.. I dunno, I think it's got something to do with my past experiences with alochol. Don't worry, it't no big deal, I just had an ex who well... liked to drink a lot.
The reason I think I am lonely is because I make myself lonely. I want to be with people, but then again I want to stay home, so I do. come evening I get bored and alone, and stare at my monitor where noone replies to my facebookmessages, msn or tweets (trying to be "cool" and use twitter, not working). I'm also impatient... I want to have interessting conversations where I say something awesome or meaningful and "deep", and instead it's mainly just jibberish and pretty boring. I guess trying to be someone you are not is not really a good idea huh...
Parts of me want to know if everyone else has the same weird thoughts roaming around in their heads. I want to know all the random stuff people do in a day, and all their random thoughts about their lives, or others for that matter. I've spent a lot of my energy focusing on how horrible I am as a person -when in fact I am not that horrible at all... Does anyone else even think about these things? Am I a complete idiot for having this weird ass brain telling me these things?
Blargh... My brain is about to explode from all this thinking.. this blogpost sure didn't turn out the way I wanted it to... I'm just.. lonely..inside.
xoxo
M
Viser innlegg med etiketten friendships. Vis alle innlegg
Viser innlegg med etiketten friendships. Vis alle innlegg
lørdag 29. januar 2011
tirsdag 22. juni 2010
Friendships and boyfriends (and alcohol too)
Warning, If you are one of my friends, and you do read my blog, either you can choose to be offended, you can choose not to read this post, or you can choose to just not put too much into things like this, as it is in fact a blog -and blogs are mainly about ranting.
I've never been a girl with a lot of friends. I've never been a girl with alot of female friends first of all, nor did I ever have a lot of boyfriends/boy-friends. Some of my boy friends, turned out to be either into being my boyfriend, or they found some girl who weren't interessted in them having a girl friend, so they basically just fell out of my life. Not that I mind, if you aren't man enough to keep your friendships after you join a relationship, then screw you -you have to learn to man up.
I will admit to the fact that if my boyfriend had a girlfriend he talked to more than he talked with me, and even hung out with more than he was around me, then yes -I would mind. My boyfriend however doesn't believe in jealousy, and if I did become jealous, that would be my problem -not his. Fair enough really, although it would pose a problem for our relationship. Good thing it's not an issue -at least not at the present time.
I just came to think of the fact that I don't really have that many close friends -and I don't see my friends very often. Does that make me a bad person? I don't think so. First of all, when you are no longer a student, you are no longer around alot of the people that you used to call friends. If I have to be honest with you, only one, or maybe two of the people I went to school with are my actual friends. I have a lot of aquaintances, and I have a lot of people I "know" -but friends? I wouldn't quite say that we are, no. It's ok that I meet these people every now and again, it's also ok that we have a coffee or do a BBQ in a park somewhere -it's just that, I feel like whenever we meet and casually talk, I remember and realize why we are not friends, and that we really don't have that much in common. And do you know what that is? It's JUST FINE.
We were forced to hang out, because we went to school together. Ok, so we picked the same studies. Picking the same degree means you should probably have some stuff in common, some sort of shared interest you would be able to talk about, and yes, we do. Besides that however, there isn't that much else that matches. I'm a nerdy computer girl who don't mind using the computer as my entertainmentcenter. I don't like going out and getting wasted, I choose not to do so because I don't feel like it, not because I'm trying to be boring. That's another thing btw, why are you always stamped as boring just because you'd rather stay in and watch a good movie instead of getting wasted at an overpriced bar? I never got drunk beyond belief, I never really "got" the whole drinking your brains out... I just, don't. Does it make me less interessting? I hate having hangovers, and after the last time I went out with work, I've had a headache for a week and a half because of shoulder/neck pains. This goes to show, alcohol + me = bad.
I'm lucky, I'm with someone who understands that, and who loves me for who I am. I've gotten new friends who also don't nag me about "oh but why aren't you drinking", and instead just accept that I want to have water for the rest of the evening instead of hangover-red-wine. I don't like beer, I detest drinks unless they are made by a professional, and even then, they bore me after a while because they are too sweet or too something.
Anyway.. back to the friendships. I've seen people come and go, alot actually -and haven't we all. I'm glad I've come to a point in life where I get to pick my friends, and my school doesn't get to pick them for me. I'm SO happy I don't have to be a part of a "group" that I don't really belong into, but I try anyway just because they feel like they have to invite me in. I'm glad all the lunches are over, all the heartaches are over, and that all the mean people in my life has gone their own ways. Some of them are probably not mean people, but we just didn't get along, which is as mentioned already, F-I-N-E.
This post turned out a bit different than I thought it would. Ah well, I write whatever pops into my head, and I don't edit. so here ya go.
xoxo
M
I've never been a girl with a lot of friends. I've never been a girl with alot of female friends first of all, nor did I ever have a lot of boyfriends/boy-friends. Some of my boy friends, turned out to be either into being my boyfriend, or they found some girl who weren't interessted in them having a girl friend, so they basically just fell out of my life. Not that I mind, if you aren't man enough to keep your friendships after you join a relationship, then screw you -you have to learn to man up.
I will admit to the fact that if my boyfriend had a girlfriend he talked to more than he talked with me, and even hung out with more than he was around me, then yes -I would mind. My boyfriend however doesn't believe in jealousy, and if I did become jealous, that would be my problem -not his. Fair enough really, although it would pose a problem for our relationship. Good thing it's not an issue -at least not at the present time.
I just came to think of the fact that I don't really have that many close friends -and I don't see my friends very often. Does that make me a bad person? I don't think so. First of all, when you are no longer a student, you are no longer around alot of the people that you used to call friends. If I have to be honest with you, only one, or maybe two of the people I went to school with are my actual friends. I have a lot of aquaintances, and I have a lot of people I "know" -but friends? I wouldn't quite say that we are, no. It's ok that I meet these people every now and again, it's also ok that we have a coffee or do a BBQ in a park somewhere -it's just that, I feel like whenever we meet and casually talk, I remember and realize why we are not friends, and that we really don't have that much in common. And do you know what that is? It's JUST FINE.
We were forced to hang out, because we went to school together. Ok, so we picked the same studies. Picking the same degree means you should probably have some stuff in common, some sort of shared interest you would be able to talk about, and yes, we do. Besides that however, there isn't that much else that matches. I'm a nerdy computer girl who don't mind using the computer as my entertainmentcenter. I don't like going out and getting wasted, I choose not to do so because I don't feel like it, not because I'm trying to be boring. That's another thing btw, why are you always stamped as boring just because you'd rather stay in and watch a good movie instead of getting wasted at an overpriced bar? I never got drunk beyond belief, I never really "got" the whole drinking your brains out... I just, don't. Does it make me less interessting? I hate having hangovers, and after the last time I went out with work, I've had a headache for a week and a half because of shoulder/neck pains. This goes to show, alcohol + me = bad.
I'm lucky, I'm with someone who understands that, and who loves me for who I am. I've gotten new friends who also don't nag me about "oh but why aren't you drinking", and instead just accept that I want to have water for the rest of the evening instead of hangover-red-wine. I don't like beer, I detest drinks unless they are made by a professional, and even then, they bore me after a while because they are too sweet or too something.
Anyway.. back to the friendships. I've seen people come and go, alot actually -and haven't we all. I'm glad I've come to a point in life where I get to pick my friends, and my school doesn't get to pick them for me. I'm SO happy I don't have to be a part of a "group" that I don't really belong into, but I try anyway just because they feel like they have to invite me in. I'm glad all the lunches are over, all the heartaches are over, and that all the mean people in my life has gone their own ways. Some of them are probably not mean people, but we just didn't get along, which is as mentioned already, F-I-N-E.
This post turned out a bit different than I thought it would. Ah well, I write whatever pops into my head, and I don't edit. so here ya go.
xoxo
M
fredag 28. mai 2010
Friends -and about getting older
So as you all know by now, I've had issues all my life. Basically in primary school everyone got teased by this girl, well, alot of us anyway... who by the end of primary school kinda stopped, but still -it had all begun. In secondary school (12-15) I was bullied by all the boys -oh what a great life. I fainted in school because I hadn't eaten for days/weeks and finally had to talk to a nurse about it. I don't know how much my mom knows, we've never really talked about it. It's not because I have a bad relationship with my mom, it's because I find it hard to talk to the people I love about the things that are closest to my heart (it should be oposite, yes).
After the first year of high school I finally left my hometown and moved to the city where my biodad is from. Imagine that. I am also born there for that matter... but anyway. I had a boyfriend there at the time, so it was the most logical place to follow highschool the last two years. In Narvik everything changed, I got friends, real friends, people who cared about me and didn't leave.. Now don't get me wrong, in secondary school (ungdomsskolen) I had Tine and Siri, and to this day we are still in touch.. I won't be overexadurating when I say they were my only friends back then -although Janne was also a part of my sociallife back when.
After that I had a brief year in Kristiansand, then went to Tromsø for pharmacy studies. I never felt I fit in with my Pharmacy co-students. Although, by the third year I felt I had found some people I could trust. After finishing my masters however, things changed, and the person I thought was my best friend kind of turned on me in the beginning of the year, making me feel very sad and depressed about it all... Ah well.
Long story kinda short, now I'm back in Oslo. Although Martine and Andreas have moved to Canada, and there's been a few tears on that, they are still good friends of ours. I miss them, I will always miss them, but hey, they are living in Canada and we will get to visit them and have a blast. Cassandra is one of my new aquaintances ever since I moved down here, and I would actually admit to saying she is pretty much 80% of all my social life outside of work/gym. Torbjørn is always around (well almost) for saturday gym and turkish -and I bet we could have seen more of him, but as we are, he's probably busy during the week. We stay in touch via SMS though, which is good. Then there's the funcommies who are always fun to hang out with -although I must admit my knowledge of GUI's is rather horrible.
All in all, what I wanted to say was - I feel like my life is getting better on the friends side. These people are not bullshit people who act one way and feel another. They say what they think, they do what they want, and don't worry about what everyone else thinks. They are good people, and I love and adore them all in their own little way. Thank you everyone, for making my life a whole lot better.
Now, people change, and friendships change -there's no guarantee all of these people will still be in my life in a year. But right now, I appreciate where we all are in life, and just wanted to blog a bit about how I feel like my life quality has increased by 200% (or more) just because I'm finally out of Uni, and can choose who my friends are, and who the people around me are every day - I love being an "adult".
About biodad -no news, other than I have to find some way to meet him soon. Going mentally insane not knowing, and it's like ripping off a bandaid, it might hurt, but needs to be done. The wound needs air to heal -just do it.
After the first year of high school I finally left my hometown and moved to the city where my biodad is from. Imagine that. I am also born there for that matter... but anyway. I had a boyfriend there at the time, so it was the most logical place to follow highschool the last two years. In Narvik everything changed, I got friends, real friends, people who cared about me and didn't leave.. Now don't get me wrong, in secondary school (ungdomsskolen) I had Tine and Siri, and to this day we are still in touch.. I won't be overexadurating when I say they were my only friends back then -although Janne was also a part of my sociallife back when.
After that I had a brief year in Kristiansand, then went to Tromsø for pharmacy studies. I never felt I fit in with my Pharmacy co-students. Although, by the third year I felt I had found some people I could trust. After finishing my masters however, things changed, and the person I thought was my best friend kind of turned on me in the beginning of the year, making me feel very sad and depressed about it all... Ah well.
Long story kinda short, now I'm back in Oslo. Although Martine and Andreas have moved to Canada, and there's been a few tears on that, they are still good friends of ours. I miss them, I will always miss them, but hey, they are living in Canada and we will get to visit them and have a blast. Cassandra is one of my new aquaintances ever since I moved down here, and I would actually admit to saying she is pretty much 80% of all my social life outside of work/gym. Torbjørn is always around (well almost) for saturday gym and turkish -and I bet we could have seen more of him, but as we are, he's probably busy during the week. We stay in touch via SMS though, which is good. Then there's the funcommies who are always fun to hang out with -although I must admit my knowledge of GUI's is rather horrible.
All in all, what I wanted to say was - I feel like my life is getting better on the friends side. These people are not bullshit people who act one way and feel another. They say what they think, they do what they want, and don't worry about what everyone else thinks. They are good people, and I love and adore them all in their own little way. Thank you everyone, for making my life a whole lot better.
Now, people change, and friendships change -there's no guarantee all of these people will still be in my life in a year. But right now, I appreciate where we all are in life, and just wanted to blog a bit about how I feel like my life quality has increased by 200% (or more) just because I'm finally out of Uni, and can choose who my friends are, and who the people around me are every day - I love being an "adult".
About biodad -no news, other than I have to find some way to meet him soon. Going mentally insane not knowing, and it's like ripping off a bandaid, it might hurt, but needs to be done. The wound needs air to heal -just do it.
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