Mo in X-Factor

Ok, this year, Norwegian X-factor really have a guy who HAS the x-factor. Turns out the x-factor comes from Somalia.

Norwegian x-factor


*don't know how to put videos in my blog posts...*
Oh.. turns out it wasn't too hard...
Xo
M

Weekend

So I started my new job wednesday, and one of my perks of having an hour commute to work, is that I have four day work weeks for 3 weeks, and then a five day one once every fourth (working saturday). That means I have Friday or Monday off every single week. Go me! Today I have gotten a massage from the guy at my dr.s office. I have visited my friend Christian at his job, and I have picked up the last of my remains from the other pharmacy where I used to work. Quitting my job and moving on to something else makes me think of when I quit Notabene to go over to Vitus and always went over to visit the Notabene girls. I just love my jobs (normally). I love my co-workers, and the coustomers (most of them), and I truly miss them once I'm gone.

Now I just can't wait until we get new locations, because when we do we can finally get some more work done when it comes to developing. For now we have to stay as we are, but we have to improve our service, and always put the coustomers first, and no talking to eachother when someone walks in the door. The most important thing in any store-principal is that you meet the coustomer where he/she is. Don't ignore him for more than 20seconds, then he automatically will think you are giving bad service. Even if it's just a hello, you don't have to jump over and attack them, but you can let them know you are there if they need you. Anyway, enough about work.

I'm still disappointed over my last panacotta experience, so I actually think I need to go make sure it doesn't happen again... That means trying out the old recipe and not using crappy vanila or big glasses... Who can blame me though; I just wanted to use big glasses to get MOOOOORE... nomnom. I have to make some food and then I need to go out again. Honestly I really have to shop for some christmas gifts. The other reason is that my mom has sent a package and I need to go pick it up at the post office. Sad part is that I probably won't be able to open the package anyway since it probably contains christmas gifts.. BUU! I want gifts now (lucky people who's birthdays are in December).

Christmas is a lot about swapping money, and I know it really shouldn't be. Don't we all know it? Still we stress around in December, shop our hearts out and speculate what to give away, and what we are going to get. There's barely ever I really truly need anything, and if I do need something I will go buy it -because I'm an adult, I have a job, and I make my own money. I wish I could do some hand-work... knitting, sowing, anything... glass painting? And I remember thinking about this in September, that yes, I can do that for christmas, it means first of all I won't spend too much money on gifts, and second, that I will give away something personal... Did I? NO I didn't.. Ah well, maybe next year?

What are you guys doing for christmas? And christmasgifts...?
xo
M

Did I scare you?

So I will admit, if you are new to this blog, or if you don't know me, getting someones six year anniversary of death slammed in your face doesn't really make you want to read on. But I promise, no more death posts about former deceased boyfriends or hopefully anything else about deaths..

Anyway. I have today off, and I am currently doing absolutely nothing. I did manage to make a cheesecake for tomorrows thanksgiving party at Julies tomorrow. Besides that I have done absolutely nothing, and as usual that makes me feel like a complete useless housewife. I mean, I have today off, not tomorrow. I was supposed to go christmas shopping yesterday because one of the malls were open until midnight, did I go? No. Instead I fell asleep on the couch and felt like sleeping forever. I forgot to eat dinner, and today, I don't feel like eating dinner at all.

I've been wating for boyfriend to get home all day, and now it turns out he went out with work for the usual friday beer... Which would have been fine, had I not gotten all excited about him coming home at seven like he said he would... Turns out he didn't. And of course I got all girly about it and want him to come home now. I hate that I am girly. I hate that things are like that - that we go all girly and stupid for our men, when we really don't have to. In general though I'm pretty bad at this. I'm pretty bad at accepting that plans change, and that boyfriend, or just regular friend doesn't show up on time, or when they are supposed to.

ah well.. Just had to ramble something on paper. I have these ideas on what to blog about, and they all sound interessting and fun in my head. When it comes down to it though, I forget my ideas, and just lash out at everything around me instead.. bad..
xoxo
M

Six years ago...

...my then boyfriend went to go skiing, and never came back.

Even though he is not on my mind much anymore, I still feel the need to mention it. The odd thing about it is that it was the same day as today, a Monday evening. I remember I hadn't heard from him all afternoon/evening before I got the call around ten that he had been in an accident and was in the hospital. After a while I found out he would be sent to my city for further scans -little did I know that by that time he was probably already dead... The likelyhood that he was dead from the moment he hit the ground is pretty big. Then again one never knows, what if he was rushed to one of the biggest hospitals in an instant, would he be here today?

I don't think you can think that way though. People who are gone are truly gone, and no "what ifs" will ever change that. Tomorrow will just be yet another day. Today I didn't even think about it until I saw his mom on facebook.

About facebook.. me and a friend talked about that as her brother just got ripped away in an accident. We talked about how his profile is still up, and what you do with those things after people die. I mean, I don't have my password written on anything, and noone else has access to my email, my phone, or my facebook account. Apparently you can either keep the profile open, make it in to a memorial site or close it down completely. It's a hard decision, and I think me and my friend agreed to disagree on the matter... All I can say is, I'm glad I didn't have to make that choice for my boyfriend at the time (probably would not have been my choice anyway, but still). Electronic traces of people are weird like that.. who decides to delete them? Maybe we should start including them in our wills? But then again, who aged 23 (or younger, or older without kids) ever makes a will if they don't have a job that requires it ?

Ah well. You are still in my heart honey - always will be.
Love you
M

Freaking out (as usual)

So, I've been concidering or not wheter to buy an apartment or not, and for a while now I have been landing on not. However, when my first "boss" payment got payed out this month, paying 40 per cent taxes really didn't feel too good. And now I got myself thinking, so what if I buy a place, will it really be that bad? I find myself searching finn.no for apartments in either Mysen or Oslo, and in Oslo of course I have to look in the most expensive place of all, just because it is closer to work then what we currently have. Then I come to think about how much loan you can get on our incomes, so I check it out, and it turns out - a lot.

Not that we will get a lot, but I mean, how to people know much to buy an apartment for... (that was very easily translated from norwegian). Then I come to think of the fact that I haven't even started my new job yet, so why look for an apartment, heck -we don't even know how long we are staying in Oslo. Preferably my hope was to get a job in Mysen, now I am thinking -is that really what I want? Or am I only wanting it because I have family there? I mean, moving away from Oslo would mean leaving our friends here. Staying in Oslo would mean spending a whole lot of money on an apartment we might not keep for longer than a year or two. Worse case scenario, boyfriend doesn't have a job in a year and we have to move somewhere else -just saying.

I don't know the things you need to know about buying an apartment. Neither me or boyfriend has very much knowlegde about what to look for and what to look out for. So what if we buy this place and it turns out there is a whole bunch of faults on it and we are stuck with it and can't sell it..?

There's so much else I want to say, but I just can't get them down on "paper"...
I suck
M

Alone

Lately I've felt alone a lot. That being said, I don't do much to keep in touch with people, so I am partially to blame for my own loneliness. I've always been kind of a loner, not always voluntarily though. The first few years of school I didn't have too many close friends, and the one friend that I did have kind of left me from the age of ten. It hurt me, that she just wanted to be with new girl instead of me, like I wasn't good enough. Come 8th-10th grade I had a couple of good friends, but they were still looked upon as the "cool girls", whilst I was the one who didn't get invited to parties. After we started first grade at high school they moved out of the city, so that year I mainly hung out with the boys in school, and noone outside of school. Luckily I moved away from all these people 2nd to 3rd year of high school and met new people in a new city that accepted me more for who I was. I've never had as many friends as I did the last two years of high school.

First year of college was kind of a bitch. A lot of things happened and the people who were my friends couldn't accept that I was honest about who I was.. Long story short, they got mad at me and rejected me because I couldn't stand up against authorities... I wasn't strong enough back then, I am now. University was a story in itself, starting out the worst year of my life when boyfriend died after being together for about 2-3 months... It changed me, it obviously made me
depresssed, and lonely.... It made me not be very logical or good about things, and whenever people said "are you OK?" I always answered honestly with a "No". That must've been hard to deal with, but honestly, what did they expect? My boyfriend was dead, I was in a new city, and I had lost the second love of my life... It had taken me about four years to get over the first one, and now the second one DIES? I mean, honestly -so not fair.

By the end of university and ridiculous amounts of DRAMA, I've finally settled down in a town where I don't know a lot of people. The people I do know, or used to hang out with moved to FREAKING Canada. Ok, they are not my only friends, but Martine was kind of my best friend, and even though you meet new people, you do miss the ones you've been closest to. Ronja is another example, we have lived together on and off for five years while I was in Tromsø, and I still miss her like crazy and wishes she lived in the same town as me. However, she is a tour guide, and tour guides in Oslo just isn't the same as in Turkey now is it!

I'm not going to list more of my friends, you all know who you are, and that I love you dearly.. Problem is I'm bad at keeping in touch with people. I'm also very touchy, and don't want to be in anyones "way" so to speak... I am too childish and quite frankly kind of DUMB sometimes, when I feel sorry for myself because nobody likes me. Who this nobody is? I don't know. I just feel like everyone else has that certain someone, a friend they either have known all their lives, or a friend that they are VERY close to, even though they are recent friends... Whilst I just don't feel like I matter that much in the big picture. No offense to any of my friends, I just feel like a lesser person, and that I don't matter -and it's not your fault it's mine.

My self esteem is something that has been a problem since those first years of school. Always being abandoned, and left for oneself really hurts... Doesn't help that biodad left me well, almost when I was born. Kind of screws you over in general now doesn't it! It really affects the person you are, if you want to or not. I have tried fighting this, I am fighting this. Seeing myself as someone being worth something, to myself or to others is really hard! I've gotten a lot better, but sometimes, just sometimes... I still feel left alone.

Don't ask don't tell

"Sexual orientation will not be a bar to service unless manifested by homosexual conduct. The military will discharge members who engage in homosexual conduct, which is defined as a homosexual act, a statement that the member is homosexual or bisexual, or a marriage or attempted marriage to someone of the same gender. – sitat fra The Pentagon's New Policy Guidelines on Homosexuals in the Military, The New York Times (20. july 1993)"

The don't ask don't tell act was put in to action in 1993. In September 2010, five boys from the age of 13 and up took their own lives because they were bullied for being gay. It's so sad we are haunted by gay-fear in 2010.. Gay people are no different from heterosexuals, why can't people realize that? I suggest everyone take a look at Larry King Live show that was sent about gay bullying (link). And if you are a US teenager with problems (or older for that matter), please read up on the Trevor project and get help to talk about your depressions and problems regarding being gay... not that there should be any! but if there are please don't do anything drastic... just call.

Boyfriend has a gay sister, one of my best friends is gay, some of my old friends are gay and I've never really seen the problems about being gay. Maybe it's because I've grown up around gay people? Our neighbours when i was six was gay, and they are some of our best friends. When I was 14 or something they got married in Sweden, even blessed by a priest! In Norway gays are finally allowed to get married, and i find it pretty crazy that some american states are still against gay marriage... Saying it's against nature, saying it's not Gods wish... that is just USELESS. How can they claim that all humans are equal and deserve the hand of God in one moment, and then go against themselves when people are gay? And even more ridiculous, how can people think that PRAYING will help people get HEALED for their gayness? HEALED? It's not a freaking disease, it's the way the heart works, it's loving someone beyond their gender, it's finding a soul mate or lover.

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I have this theory that everyone is more or less gay. Look at it percentage wise. So you can be 100% heterosexual, or 100% homosexual. But you can also be 10/90, 20/80 etc. I know some of my friends are more on the 40/60 or 60/40 side. Yes, I know, it's called being bisexual, I'm no idiot, but here's the thing, a lot of people wouldn't necessarily want to call themselves bisexual. Bisexual is also a "bad" thing in many peoples eyes. Girls seem to be able to explore their sexuality within the same gender more than men do. We kiss our girlfriends when we are drunk, claiming it's only to tease the men -but really, is that the only reason? I think that some people are just too scared to admit that they are doing it to feel what it feels like kissing someone of the same gender. Are they bisexual? Are they homosexual? Not necessarily

I think I would be more 20/80. Get me wrong, I do prefer men, oh do I love my men (or man, ha ha). But see, I fall in love with PEOPLE, not just gender. Right now I've been wathing "Sigrid soeker kjaereste" on nrk.no -and honestly, I think I have a small crush on her. She is just SO SWEET! She's cute, she is trying to find a BOYfriend on national television, and even though she is a comedienne, and I thought it would be more joking than serious -it's not. She is herself on TV, and I admire her for it. Being single and looking is hard enough in this country, and being a celebrity that is normally quite harsh and looked upon as a "Strong Woman" probably doesn't make it any easier. I admire her, and I would love to go out with her myself -she's just THAT adorable! (I think I have this thing for blondes lately... whats up with that?)

Just so you know kids, gay or not gay -it get's better. Being a teenager might suck, but being an adult and choosing who to hang with, who to love, and who to care for makes everything better. Please stand up for anyone who is being bullied, be it for their sexual orientation, or anything else. Don't listen do narrow minded leaders who are cowards and don't know what they are talking about. We are all equal, we all matter.

xoxo

M