Blog much ?

Yeah, I know, I haven't blogged in even more a forever than ever! I am sorry for those of you that happen to read up on my life and who are no longer entertained by my non-existent blog. There really haven't been too much to blog about. My job was going ok, my personal life however, down the drain. So I decided to quit my job, and take care of my personal life instead. Only future will know if that was a good choice, but I honestly think it is -I can always make those extra 200grand a year some other time. My relationship however, n

ot going to come back if it breaks down.

The last two weekends have been spent by having cousin over (8 year old), and this weekend by having Kristin, "little sister" and Lise over for wine. My old boss and wife + dog came by too, which made it really awesome. Five bottles of wine later the "kids" went out, I stayed home, boss and wife +dog stayed an extra half hour and me and boyfriend went to bed earlier than any of the girls or others did -since some think we are the most boring crowd ever! However, I don't like going out to crowded loud bars with way too many drunk people -and also paying ridiculous amounts of money for drinks that hardly contain any alcohol. So boring or not, it's just the way I am.

Anyways, back to random blogging...

Lately I've been getting upset over the most random things, annoyed that people really don't seem to be very intelligent, but just careless and say the most random things about anything. Like politics for instance, not that that's a subject I know a lot about, but people just seem to be rambling about everyone else's opinions, instead of having their ow

n. Ok, I might be unfair, but I really think it seems like people just spit out whatever they read in the news, or whatever someone told them, whether it be parents, friends or the damn TV.

One of the government channels have been focusing on drug prices in Norway, not drugs as in narcotics or abuse -but drugs, as in any kind -blood pressure pills, cholesterol, anti-depressants, you name it they have looked at it. They even compared the prices to the pharmacies compared to the prices sold to the hospitals. It's not that I mind them focusing on this, quite frankly maybe our prices and the pricing system isn't optimal, but they are making us, the pharmacy look like that bad guys. That really pisses me off. We are not the bad guys. I know for a fact that the drugs are about 75 per cent of what we sell in the pharmacy, however, we make only 45 per cent of our income from it, because of the cheap prices. If it weren't for the very low prices, maybe we wouldn't have to sell all this other "crap" that we sell in the pharmacies. Thanks to our degree however, we don't compromise too much, and don't appreciate selling stuff to people just for the sales argument. If it is to help people, or to make them feel good about themselves (e.g. a nice face cream) then I don't find it too bad. I mean, it's either in our store, a beauty store, a perfum store, or quite frankly at your nearest ICA -so why not us.

I am proud to be a pharmacist, and I like to know that pharmacists or chemists are behind most products you buy anywhere. The quality we bring out to our customers, not just with our knowledge, but with the products we have should be appreciated and not stomped upon by some channel making us look bad. Yes, all companies can get better, yes, most companies sell stuff that makes them money, but guess what, if it wasn't for those stuff making us money, there would be no company and no service to the people. Would you really rather get your drugs off some machine outside ICA -like you now get your cigarettes ? Isn't there a part of you that feels safe knowing that the medicines you eat are safe to combine? What machine would ever catch that without TALKING to you.... I guess in some future there will be a list of medicines that are connected to you as an individual wherever you go, and the machines might actu

ally have a possibility to catch that since it is all in form -but is that the society we want? Machines instead of people ? I mean, who knows, maybe we don't even need cashiers at supermarkets, we just send our groceries/list through a machine, and they get delivered on the outside -or on your doorstep..

To something completely different...

I also get fascinated by the amounts of pictures of other peoples kids people post on Facebook. A gagdillion of them too... I mean, it's ok, Facebook is a good media, but some times I wonder if people actually know what they put out there. Especially when it is not your own kids, I mean, fair enough, you might be their aunt or their godmother or their cousin -but does the parents of these kids really allow all these photos of their tinys out there?

Just sayin'

XOXO

M

Self Worth

I have problems valuing myself... I have as mentioned always been told I am not worth a lot, from my peers that is, not from say family or friends. Still, even though I really should toss all those comments away as I am adult and know better -I still feel like crap. The fact of the matter is I have a masters degree, I am managing a pharmacy, and I live in a pretty much stable relationship. I have succeeded in most of the stuff I have tried to accomplish, and still, I feel like there is some part of me missing -I always want to be better.

Fact of the matter is you don't have to be better -one should realize that how you are is perfectly good. Getting better is merely a bonus, not a necessity, and I have serious problems realizing that myself.

"Do I have a mental handicap?"

I bought myself a digital camera, and all I can think of now is that I DON'T know how to use it, and that I really should learn. So I surf the web and look at the forums to try to find out what I need to know. I find it hard -and then I get mad at myself for not being able to focus on something that really should matter to me -instead of picking it up at a later time when I might be focused enough to read it. Even after watching some videos online I still can't seem to make things stick to my brain when it comes to functionality and tips and tricks.. makes me wonder how I managed through five years of university and did pretty decently..

My biggest problem when it comes to believing in myself is in the matter of relationships with other human beings. I'm bad at it. I'm bad at friendships, and I'm bad at romantic relationships. My current one is my longest one running (2 years in case you wondered), I have a handful of friends I would call my real friends, and a gazillion acquaintances. First of all it's a matter of trust, I can't trust people to like the real me, which makes me this fake person no one likes -or at least that no one understands. Also I have this tendency to push away the people I care the most about -like boyfriends. I don't know what it is, I just don't feel like I deserve good things for some reason..

Stupid past memories, stupid past feelings and emotions and idiotic comments that stuck -who cares, I'm a grown up, successful woman at the beginning of a skyrocketing career -why shouldn't I feel good about myself ? Why shouldn't I deserve good things? Good friends, good lovers (haha, plural) and awesome acquaintances (ya'll are pretty awesome you know).
Sometimes -just sometimes, I wish I wasn't an adult.
xoxo
M

Need you now

"Picture perfect memories
Scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone 'cause
I can't fight it anymore

And I wonder if I
Ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one
I'm all alone
And I need you now
Said I wouldn't call
But I've lost all control
And I need you now

And I don't know how
I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey
Can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping
In the way you did before

And I wonder if I
Ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one
I'm a little drunk
And I need you now
Said I wouldn't call
But I've lost all control
And I need you now

And I don't know how
I can do without
I just need you now

Whoa, whoa
Guess I'd rather hurt
Than feel nothing at all

It's a quarter after one
I'm all alone
And I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call
But I'm a little drunk
And I need you now

And I don't know how
I can do without
I just need you now
I just need you now

Oh baby, I need you now"

Stuck on my mind much ? Oh yes definetly...

Need You Now Lyrics at elw

xoxo

M

Worrying

Did I mention I got a kindle ? It's all kinds of KOS. :D

...because of recent personal events, the possibility of me and my man moving to his hometown in the US have once again come up. I am worried... Worried because I wish we didn't have to make this decision, right after we have already planned to most likely stay back here for as long as possible. I can't say much about it, if you wanna know and you know me ask me about it, it's personal, but everything is ok for now.

In other news, look at the view from our house at night -pretty huh ? Work was tiresome today, assuming it will be equally as tiresome tomorrow as I have a lot to do with closing the month off accountant wise, plus having a lot to do with the institution deliveries too. Ah well, hard working life I guess. I can tell travelling back and forth is tearing on me, but at the same time I have four and/or five day work weeks, compared to others who work a hell of a lot more -I really should not complain. So what if I come home from work late, who cares, P isn't home, and food is not going to make it self. I NEED, NEED NEED to learn how to eat enough whilst at work, but it's hard, I kind of always squeeze food out of the equation when I'm stressed out. Thankfully I don't really deal much with the "back" where I work, and the more I am in the front, the less stressed out I am. My office looks like shit, haha, I have so many papers to sort, but nothing important really, and I know where everything is.

Again, enough about that. I am still bored online, I don't know why, I just seem to get annoyed from all the things I used to like reading about -maybe I have changed. Therefore I normally resend my facebook info and hope someone updated their status in to something interesting.. let me tell you, 99,99999% of the time, nothing happens -haha, my sad life for ya. My kindle is my new lover, and it is awesome. This morning I even forgot my morning radio show (mainly since I had forgotten my ipod at home, but never mind that).

I'm blabbering, shutting up now

xoxo

M

online boredom

Lately I've been sitting in front of my computer not knowing where to surf. In all honesty I'm pretty bored online, and I guess all the lowcarb/workout blogs, or to be honest, "I am trying to lose weight" posts out there have just gotten pretty boring to me. It seems like every woman on this planet is losing weight, and then my question is, how about loving yourself as you are for once? We don't all need to lose weight! And even though I understand all these girls, I find myself getting ANNOYED for some stupid reason.. I mean, honestly, you guys are all fine the way you are -please see that ?

todays dinner... nomm!!!!

I will admit, I am throwing rocks in my own little glass house here, in all fairness I have years and years of self-loathing to take from. I don't mean to sound.. well, mean, but I can see that obsessing over other people losing weight isn't really a great way of dealing with my own shit either. Silly.

Today I had a conversation with my boss (regional manager), I have gotten on track again with my job, although I still have struggles in my every day life at work, trying to find out what the F/H everyone is up to in the back. I have never understood those pharmacies that have people working in the far back, and never appearing in the front desk. Gue

ss what? It's in the front all the customers are, that's where you make the money and save your job.

I've come to realize that I have to take charge and steer in whichever direction I want to go. The sad part however is that it's not my dream job, it's not my dream pharmacy, and I want to have respect before I quit there -not very likely to happen. Also, we have something going on that might lead us to the US within the next six months if necessary... We hope we don't have to, but if we do, I will not let my non-dream-job stand in the way of us going somewhere.

anyway. I got myself some more toys :) A new schedule/planner, and Yngvild brought me a kindle from the US. WEEEEEheeeee, an e-book reader is exactly what I need on the dreaded way to work. It's tiny and cute and awesome, and I already downloaded a few books onto it. The pictures tell the story themselves now don't they!?

xoxo

M

Sunday

Hey,

I know, I haven't blogged, I don't blog. Every time I get an idea for a blog post, I'm walking from one place to the next, or I'm on the tram, or I'm on the boat or at work in the middle of something. I'm settling in at work now, I have taken charge over the whole personal/staff thing, and I am now setting up all of our lists on where everyone should be at what times -and that feels good. It does mean that I am spending a lot of time on the computer making lists, also after coming home from work. This morning I realized that I have not sent in a bill that is due next week, so Monday morning (which sadly is tomorrow) I have do to some office work... Boy do I hate office work, that's the one downpart to being manager.

Anyway, enough about work -well partly anyway. I am currently waiting for my REN skincare citrus mask to work (max ten minutes) and then rinsing it off. We have got the whole line in our pharmacies these days and as a courtesy we are allowed to take the testers home for a night and trying them out. Nothing like recommending products that you have already tried out on yourself. In addition to that I have gotten the peeling mask, the mayday mayday rescue balm (replacement for the Elizabeth Arden Eight Hour Cream apparently) and a keep young and beautiful serum on my hands, and are testing them out for a while. I took home the firming body lotion and another mask, plus the body scrub -Should be set for a while, haha. In addition to that, lately I have bought a new MD face/body scrub recommended from several blogs, and! three new nailpolishes from BarryM. Shopping much?

Didn't tell you the best part yet -I both found my old digicam, AAAND celebrated by buying a new one. I now have a Canon EOS550D on my hands, spent way too much money (about 1000USD) but then again, it's my gift to myself -it was even on valentines day!

How have your days been ?

xoxo

M

noblog....

Hey

I'm sorry I haven't blogged lately.. I know there ain't a whole lot of you following my blog anyway, so the loss is at least smaller than if I was one of the top 100 of Norway blogs -hehe, unlikely.

Anyway, my last two posts have been about my anorectic self. Because even though I have been "good" for about six years now, my head is still not as good as it should be. I started working out last year, and even though I could see the effects on my body for a while, my weight remained the same. Now let's get one thing clear, it isn't always about weight. But with a BMI of 31 (severely obese), I really should start taking more care of myself. Fine, I do have a lot of muscle -but then again I haven't worked out in two months, thereby probably losing a lot of my muscle mass back in to fat tissue once more.

I took a week of vacation from work, it was well needed. My self-esteem issues make me feel small and alone being manager, and sometimes it's hard being lonely on top. I just have to clinch my teeth together and realize that I AM the manager, and I am there to make things work. I wish I could get an employee I could trust and I could mold in to what I want out of a tech/pharmacist... Although that is unlikely to happen -a girl can always dream.

Ten awesome girls have started a new motivational blog called motivated.blogg.no -I would recommend you to take a look if you read Norwegian, it's pretty cool. The point of the blog is to get inspired, and to understand that you CAN do it, if you are trying to lose weight or get a healthier lifestyle. It's not about being skinny, it's about being healthy and happy with who you are. Like we all should be! (myself included).

I am trying this time. When I get back home, there HAS to be some change. I'll be all Obama about it -CHANGE (or underwear, my friend works for the lingerie chain CHANGE, haha). I need to plan out my meals, I need to start moving a bit -my low energy levels are from not sleeping enough, but also from not moving around enough. I wan't to crossfit, but I will do my own version of it, since I am not a member of a gym these days. I'm going to go to mobech and get some weights, and even though our living room/kitchen really isn't that big, I want to use some of that area as my workout area.. my space, my rules.

Now this is a hope, a dream, but this time, I have to make it. I am miserable and I am ruining my life, and my relationship because of my misery. I can't live like this any more. If I want to have a future with my man, if I want to have a happy healthy future for me, and my possible kids -I am hoping this might be it. I have mucked around for way too long now, it's time for a change...

xoxo

M