onsdag 24. november 2010

Did I scare you?

So I will admit, if you are new to this blog, or if you don't know me, getting someones six year anniversary of death slammed in your face doesn't really make you want to read on. But I promise, no more death posts about former deceased boyfriends or hopefully anything else about deaths..

Anyway. I have today off, and I am currently doing absolutely nothing. I did manage to make a cheesecake for tomorrows thanksgiving party at Julies tomorrow. Besides that I have done absolutely nothing, and as usual that makes me feel like a complete useless housewife. I mean, I have today off, not tomorrow. I was supposed to go christmas shopping yesterday because one of the malls were open until midnight, did I go? No. Instead I fell asleep on the couch and felt like sleeping forever. I forgot to eat dinner, and today, I don't feel like eating dinner at all.

I've been wating for boyfriend to get home all day, and now it turns out he went out with work for the usual friday beer... Which would have been fine, had I not gotten all excited about him coming home at seven like he said he would... Turns out he didn't. And of course I got all girly about it and want him to come home now. I hate that I am girly. I hate that things are like that - that we go all girly and stupid for our men, when we really don't have to. In general though I'm pretty bad at this. I'm pretty bad at accepting that plans change, and that boyfriend, or just regular friend doesn't show up on time, or when they are supposed to.

ah well.. Just had to ramble something on paper. I have these ideas on what to blog about, and they all sound interessting and fun in my head. When it comes down to it though, I forget my ideas, and just lash out at everything around me instead.. bad..

mandag 22. november 2010

Six years ago...

...my then boyfriend went to go skiing, and never came back.

Even though he is not on my mind much anymore, I still feel the need to mention it. The odd thing about it is that it was the same day as today, a Monday evening. I remember I hadn't heard from him all afternoon/evening before I got the call around ten that he had been in an accident and was in the hospital. After a while I found out he would be sent to my city for further scans -little did I know that by that time he was probably already dead... The likelyhood that he was dead from the moment he hit the ground is pretty big. Then again one never knows, what if he was rushed to one of the biggest hospitals in an instant, would he be here today?

I don't think you can think that way though. People who are gone are truly gone, and no "what ifs" will ever change that. Tomorrow will just be yet another day. Today I didn't even think about it until I saw his mom on facebook.

About facebook.. me and a friend talked about that as her brother just got ripped away in an accident. We talked about how his profile is still up, and what you do with those things after people die. I mean, I don't have my password written on anything, and noone else has access to my email, my phone, or my facebook account. Apparently you can either keep the profile open, make it in to a memorial site or close it down completely. It's a hard decision, and I think me and my friend agreed to disagree on the matter... All I can say is, I'm glad I didn't have to make that choice for my boyfriend at the time (probably would not have been my choice anyway, but still). Electronic traces of people are weird like that.. who decides to delete them? Maybe we should start including them in our wills? But then again, who aged 23 (or younger, or older without kids) ever makes a will if they don't have a job that requires it ?

Ah well. You are still in my heart honey - always will be.
Love you

søndag 21. november 2010

Freaking out (as usual)

So, I've been concidering or not wheter to buy an apartment or not, and for a while now I have been landing on not. However, when my first "boss" payment got payed out this month, paying 40 per cent taxes really didn't feel too good. And now I got myself thinking, so what if I buy a place, will it really be that bad? I find myself searching finn.no for apartments in either Mysen or Oslo, and in Oslo of course I have to look in the most expensive place of all, just because it is closer to work then what we currently have. Then I come to think about how much loan you can get on our incomes, so I check it out, and it turns out - a lot.

Not that we will get a lot, but I mean, how to people know much to buy an apartment for... (that was very easily translated from norwegian). Then I come to think of the fact that I haven't even started my new job yet, so why look for an apartment, heck -we don't even know how long we are staying in Oslo. Preferably my hope was to get a job in Mysen, now I am thinking -is that really what I want? Or am I only wanting it because I have family there? I mean, moving away from Oslo would mean leaving our friends here. Staying in Oslo would mean spending a whole lot of money on an apartment we might not keep for longer than a year or two. Worse case scenario, boyfriend doesn't have a job in a year and we have to move somewhere else -just saying.

I don't know the things you need to know about buying an apartment. Neither me or boyfriend has very much knowlegde about what to look for and what to look out for. So what if we buy this place and it turns out there is a whole bunch of faults on it and we are stuck with it and can't sell it..?

There's so much else I want to say, but I just can't get them down on "paper"...
I suck