tirsdag 19. juni 2012


I've written a post like this before. On how I was disappointed with my grade after my thesis. I think I also mentioned how I was disappointed I didn't get the managing position I had applied for two years ago. And now it has happened again, another managing potion -another one made for me, meant to be "inherited" by me -and I get a no. This time it's not the experience time lacking that makes the Norwegian Government get grumpy. This time it is all about politics, all about letting the man be in charge, and about letting someone with two more years of pharmacist experience be put in instead of me. I am disappointed, I am actually so disappointed and sad that I have now twice broken completely down in front of boyfriend.

Both times he asked "how much wine did you have today?". The alcohol enhances the feeling of miserable. But it doesn't mean the alcohol makes me miserable. It just brings out things that are in there, emotions that I have and that are filled inside me and just happen to come out when I've had a few glasses too much. 

It always seem to amaze me how bad I feel. How much longing and hurting and pain there is inside my little body. I have problems breathing, I have problems seeing myself as a valuable human being -because of these small little things that doesn't even matter in the "big" world out there.

Sometimes I have to remember how lucky we are -how incredibly lucky we are to be born in to this country where we are safe and nothing bad happens -at least not very often. It's hard to forget every now and then how lucky I am to have my job, to live life, to not stress out and just live...

Sometimes it just hurts SO much I don't know how to bare it..

How do you get through it all?