Mo in X-Factor

Ok, this year, Norwegian X-factor really have a guy who HAS the x-factor. Turns out the x-factor comes from Somalia.

Norwegian x-factor


*don't know how to put videos in my blog posts...*
Oh.. turns out it wasn't too hard...
Xo
M

Weekend

So I started my new job wednesday, and one of my perks of having an hour commute to work, is that I have four day work weeks for 3 weeks, and then a five day one once every fourth (working saturday). That means I have Friday or Monday off every single week. Go me! Today I have gotten a massage from the guy at my dr.s office. I have visited my friend Christian at his job, and I have picked up the last of my remains from the other pharmacy where I used to work. Quitting my job and moving on to something else makes me think of when I quit Notabene to go over to Vitus and always went over to visit the Notabene girls. I just love my jobs (normally). I love my co-workers, and the coustomers (most of them), and I truly miss them once I'm gone.

Now I just can't wait until we get new locations, because when we do we can finally get some more work done when it comes to developing. For now we have to stay as we are, but we have to improve our service, and always put the coustomers first, and no talking to eachother when someone walks in the door. The most important thing in any store-principal is that you meet the coustomer where he/she is. Don't ignore him for more than 20seconds, then he automatically will think you are giving bad service. Even if it's just a hello, you don't have to jump over and attack them, but you can let them know you are there if they need you. Anyway, enough about work.

I'm still disappointed over my last panacotta experience, so I actually think I need to go make sure it doesn't happen again... That means trying out the old recipe and not using crappy vanila or big glasses... Who can blame me though; I just wanted to use big glasses to get MOOOOORE... nomnom. I have to make some food and then I need to go out again. Honestly I really have to shop for some christmas gifts. The other reason is that my mom has sent a package and I need to go pick it up at the post office. Sad part is that I probably won't be able to open the package anyway since it probably contains christmas gifts.. BUU! I want gifts now (lucky people who's birthdays are in December).

Christmas is a lot about swapping money, and I know it really shouldn't be. Don't we all know it? Still we stress around in December, shop our hearts out and speculate what to give away, and what we are going to get. There's barely ever I really truly need anything, and if I do need something I will go buy it -because I'm an adult, I have a job, and I make my own money. I wish I could do some hand-work... knitting, sowing, anything... glass painting? And I remember thinking about this in September, that yes, I can do that for christmas, it means first of all I won't spend too much money on gifts, and second, that I will give away something personal... Did I? NO I didn't.. Ah well, maybe next year?

What are you guys doing for christmas? And christmasgifts...?
xo
M

Did I scare you?

So I will admit, if you are new to this blog, or if you don't know me, getting someones six year anniversary of death slammed in your face doesn't really make you want to read on. But I promise, no more death posts about former deceased boyfriends or hopefully anything else about deaths..

Anyway. I have today off, and I am currently doing absolutely nothing. I did manage to make a cheesecake for tomorrows thanksgiving party at Julies tomorrow. Besides that I have done absolutely nothing, and as usual that makes me feel like a complete useless housewife. I mean, I have today off, not tomorrow. I was supposed to go christmas shopping yesterday because one of the malls were open until midnight, did I go? No. Instead I fell asleep on the couch and felt like sleeping forever. I forgot to eat dinner, and today, I don't feel like eating dinner at all.

I've been wating for boyfriend to get home all day, and now it turns out he went out with work for the usual friday beer... Which would have been fine, had I not gotten all excited about him coming home at seven like he said he would... Turns out he didn't. And of course I got all girly about it and want him to come home now. I hate that I am girly. I hate that things are like that - that we go all girly and stupid for our men, when we really don't have to. In general though I'm pretty bad at this. I'm pretty bad at accepting that plans change, and that boyfriend, or just regular friend doesn't show up on time, or when they are supposed to.

ah well.. Just had to ramble something on paper. I have these ideas on what to blog about, and they all sound interessting and fun in my head. When it comes down to it though, I forget my ideas, and just lash out at everything around me instead.. bad..
xoxo
M

Six years ago...

...my then boyfriend went to go skiing, and never came back.

Even though he is not on my mind much anymore, I still feel the need to mention it. The odd thing about it is that it was the same day as today, a Monday evening. I remember I hadn't heard from him all afternoon/evening before I got the call around ten that he had been in an accident and was in the hospital. After a while I found out he would be sent to my city for further scans -little did I know that by that time he was probably already dead... The likelyhood that he was dead from the moment he hit the ground is pretty big. Then again one never knows, what if he was rushed to one of the biggest hospitals in an instant, would he be here today?

I don't think you can think that way though. People who are gone are truly gone, and no "what ifs" will ever change that. Tomorrow will just be yet another day. Today I didn't even think about it until I saw his mom on facebook.

About facebook.. me and a friend talked about that as her brother just got ripped away in an accident. We talked about how his profile is still up, and what you do with those things after people die. I mean, I don't have my password written on anything, and noone else has access to my email, my phone, or my facebook account. Apparently you can either keep the profile open, make it in to a memorial site or close it down completely. It's a hard decision, and I think me and my friend agreed to disagree on the matter... All I can say is, I'm glad I didn't have to make that choice for my boyfriend at the time (probably would not have been my choice anyway, but still). Electronic traces of people are weird like that.. who decides to delete them? Maybe we should start including them in our wills? But then again, who aged 23 (or younger, or older without kids) ever makes a will if they don't have a job that requires it ?

Ah well. You are still in my heart honey - always will be.
Love you
M

Freaking out (as usual)

So, I've been concidering or not wheter to buy an apartment or not, and for a while now I have been landing on not. However, when my first "boss" payment got payed out this month, paying 40 per cent taxes really didn't feel too good. And now I got myself thinking, so what if I buy a place, will it really be that bad? I find myself searching finn.no for apartments in either Mysen or Oslo, and in Oslo of course I have to look in the most expensive place of all, just because it is closer to work then what we currently have. Then I come to think about how much loan you can get on our incomes, so I check it out, and it turns out - a lot.

Not that we will get a lot, but I mean, how to people know much to buy an apartment for... (that was very easily translated from norwegian). Then I come to think of the fact that I haven't even started my new job yet, so why look for an apartment, heck -we don't even know how long we are staying in Oslo. Preferably my hope was to get a job in Mysen, now I am thinking -is that really what I want? Or am I only wanting it because I have family there? I mean, moving away from Oslo would mean leaving our friends here. Staying in Oslo would mean spending a whole lot of money on an apartment we might not keep for longer than a year or two. Worse case scenario, boyfriend doesn't have a job in a year and we have to move somewhere else -just saying.

I don't know the things you need to know about buying an apartment. Neither me or boyfriend has very much knowlegde about what to look for and what to look out for. So what if we buy this place and it turns out there is a whole bunch of faults on it and we are stuck with it and can't sell it..?

There's so much else I want to say, but I just can't get them down on "paper"...
I suck
M

Alone

Lately I've felt alone a lot. That being said, I don't do much to keep in touch with people, so I am partially to blame for my own loneliness. I've always been kind of a loner, not always voluntarily though. The first few years of school I didn't have too many close friends, and the one friend that I did have kind of left me from the age of ten. It hurt me, that she just wanted to be with new girl instead of me, like I wasn't good enough. Come 8th-10th grade I had a couple of good friends, but they were still looked upon as the "cool girls", whilst I was the one who didn't get invited to parties. After we started first grade at high school they moved out of the city, so that year I mainly hung out with the boys in school, and noone outside of school. Luckily I moved away from all these people 2nd to 3rd year of high school and met new people in a new city that accepted me more for who I was. I've never had as many friends as I did the last two years of high school.

First year of college was kind of a bitch. A lot of things happened and the people who were my friends couldn't accept that I was honest about who I was.. Long story short, they got mad at me and rejected me because I couldn't stand up against authorities... I wasn't strong enough back then, I am now. University was a story in itself, starting out the worst year of my life when boyfriend died after being together for about 2-3 months... It changed me, it obviously made me
depresssed, and lonely.... It made me not be very logical or good about things, and whenever people said "are you OK?" I always answered honestly with a "No". That must've been hard to deal with, but honestly, what did they expect? My boyfriend was dead, I was in a new city, and I had lost the second love of my life... It had taken me about four years to get over the first one, and now the second one DIES? I mean, honestly -so not fair.

By the end of university and ridiculous amounts of DRAMA, I've finally settled down in a town where I don't know a lot of people. The people I do know, or used to hang out with moved to FREAKING Canada. Ok, they are not my only friends, but Martine was kind of my best friend, and even though you meet new people, you do miss the ones you've been closest to. Ronja is another example, we have lived together on and off for five years while I was in Tromsø, and I still miss her like crazy and wishes she lived in the same town as me. However, she is a tour guide, and tour guides in Oslo just isn't the same as in Turkey now is it!

I'm not going to list more of my friends, you all know who you are, and that I love you dearly.. Problem is I'm bad at keeping in touch with people. I'm also very touchy, and don't want to be in anyones "way" so to speak... I am too childish and quite frankly kind of DUMB sometimes, when I feel sorry for myself because nobody likes me. Who this nobody is? I don't know. I just feel like everyone else has that certain someone, a friend they either have known all their lives, or a friend that they are VERY close to, even though they are recent friends... Whilst I just don't feel like I matter that much in the big picture. No offense to any of my friends, I just feel like a lesser person, and that I don't matter -and it's not your fault it's mine.

My self esteem is something that has been a problem since those first years of school. Always being abandoned, and left for oneself really hurts... Doesn't help that biodad left me well, almost when I was born. Kind of screws you over in general now doesn't it! It really affects the person you are, if you want to or not. I have tried fighting this, I am fighting this. Seeing myself as someone being worth something, to myself or to others is really hard! I've gotten a lot better, but sometimes, just sometimes... I still feel left alone.

Don't ask don't tell

"Sexual orientation will not be a bar to service unless manifested by homosexual conduct. The military will discharge members who engage in homosexual conduct, which is defined as a homosexual act, a statement that the member is homosexual or bisexual, or a marriage or attempted marriage to someone of the same gender. – sitat fra The Pentagon's New Policy Guidelines on Homosexuals in the Military, The New York Times (20. july 1993)"

The don't ask don't tell act was put in to action in 1993. In September 2010, five boys from the age of 13 and up took their own lives because they were bullied for being gay. It's so sad we are haunted by gay-fear in 2010.. Gay people are no different from heterosexuals, why can't people realize that? I suggest everyone take a look at Larry King Live show that was sent about gay bullying (link). And if you are a US teenager with problems (or older for that matter), please read up on the Trevor project and get help to talk about your depressions and problems regarding being gay... not that there should be any! but if there are please don't do anything drastic... just call.

Boyfriend has a gay sister, one of my best friends is gay, some of my old friends are gay and I've never really seen the problems about being gay. Maybe it's because I've grown up around gay people? Our neighbours when i was six was gay, and they are some of our best friends. When I was 14 or something they got married in Sweden, even blessed by a priest! In Norway gays are finally allowed to get married, and i find it pretty crazy that some american states are still against gay marriage... Saying it's against nature, saying it's not Gods wish... that is just USELESS. How can they claim that all humans are equal and deserve the hand of God in one moment, and then go against themselves when people are gay? And even more ridiculous, how can people think that PRAYING will help people get HEALED for their gayness? HEALED? It's not a freaking disease, it's the way the heart works, it's loving someone beyond their gender, it's finding a soul mate or lover.

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I have this theory that everyone is more or less gay. Look at it percentage wise. So you can be 100% heterosexual, or 100% homosexual. But you can also be 10/90, 20/80 etc. I know some of my friends are more on the 40/60 or 60/40 side. Yes, I know, it's called being bisexual, I'm no idiot, but here's the thing, a lot of people wouldn't necessarily want to call themselves bisexual. Bisexual is also a "bad" thing in many peoples eyes. Girls seem to be able to explore their sexuality within the same gender more than men do. We kiss our girlfriends when we are drunk, claiming it's only to tease the men -but really, is that the only reason? I think that some people are just too scared to admit that they are doing it to feel what it feels like kissing someone of the same gender. Are they bisexual? Are they homosexual? Not necessarily

I think I would be more 20/80. Get me wrong, I do prefer men, oh do I love my men (or man, ha ha). But see, I fall in love with PEOPLE, not just gender. Right now I've been wathing "Sigrid soeker kjaereste" on nrk.no -and honestly, I think I have a small crush on her. She is just SO SWEET! She's cute, she is trying to find a BOYfriend on national television, and even though she is a comedienne, and I thought it would be more joking than serious -it's not. She is herself on TV, and I admire her for it. Being single and looking is hard enough in this country, and being a celebrity that is normally quite harsh and looked upon as a "Strong Woman" probably doesn't make it any easier. I admire her, and I would love to go out with her myself -she's just THAT adorable! (I think I have this thing for blondes lately... whats up with that?)

Just so you know kids, gay or not gay -it get's better. Being a teenager might suck, but being an adult and choosing who to hang with, who to love, and who to care for makes everything better. Please stand up for anyone who is being bullied, be it for their sexual orientation, or anything else. Don't listen do narrow minded leaders who are cowards and don't know what they are talking about. We are all equal, we all matter.

xoxo

M

Randomness

So a lot of thoughts have rambled through my head today. First of all, someone posted on Facebook today "Pls pray 4 me today...already stressed out and it is only 9am!". Now, everyone who knows me knows that I am no religious person. Compared to my other half however, I'm a believer, as I can say that I do believe there was this dude named Jesus who made a pretty big deal out of himself back in the day. Or, all the other guys made a pretty big deal out of him. And in the 90's I had a pair of shoes where the heal was made of cork (cork? Norwegian : kork), and I bet that's how he walked on that water. OR! He might just have lived up north where it's freezing and we get this thing called ICE -that you can actually walk on! Anyway... that's beside the point.

My point was -will praying help on his/hers very stressful morning. Because even though I do believe there was this dude called Jesus, I don't believe that talking out loud in thin air will actually CHANGE anything that will happen to you that day. Trust me, I tried a couple of times -massive fail. My better half (hey, who said he was better btw....) does not believe in faith or destiny, I however have this feeling that some things might happen for a reason. Although that is hard to explain when I am so into the whole "praying doesn't help change things"-thing. I just think you can't ask for things to happen, and you can't plan for things to happen, things just randomly happen by themselves, without anyone DECIDING it. Call it faith, call it lucky, call it God, whatever you want to call it -as long as it makes you happy.

Now that is where my other(!) half completely disagrees. When he thinks something, or have an opinion of something, because he read it somewhere (and it is a well known fact, and or is proven scientifically) he thinks that anyone who believes otherwise are dumb/stupid/clueless. He is not the type of guy to call you stupid, he is not the kind of guy that thinks most people are idiots either, he just simply believes that what he knows, because he has the facts to prove it -is correct. Sadly, most of the times he is right. The best way to illustrate this is a girl doing Squats at the Gym the other day. She was doing REAL squats, BUT, she was in the smith machine. So I come home bragging about myself for complimenting this girl on her squats, and he goes "but you shouldn't have said that because she is doing them wrong". I said that she was doing them fairly correct, as compared to ALL THE OTHER people who either half-squat, or squat with their knees pointing forwards (shrug), she was doing a pretty decent job. "No, not as long as she was doing them in the smith machine".

(proper squat)

Men! And their stubborn, if maybe correct, opinions... Annoying, but back to the praying. I think that praying is a form of meditation or comfort. Because you are talking to someone, or something that you believe will help you and guide you through life. I don't necessarily think it's wrong to pray, but I do think it is unlikely that praying to this guy/girl called God will change your, or anyone else's future. I think that asking for someone to get healthy and for the world to take care of your family is a good thing -but I don't think that it will save them in the end... It might be sad, it might be cynical and not very godly, but it is my honest opinion. Praying will however make you feel calm, it will make you relax and it will make you be able to empty your heart out to this non-existing person and hopefully calm the storms within...

Sorry if I upset you, but hey, you are allowed to think otherwise! (I will still respect you, because as long as people can respect my opinion, I can respect theirs -That's the God I pray to)
XO
M

Home

I've traveled up north to 1. the place I went to HS, and 2. where my parents live. Just arrived at parents house. It felt good being in HS-city, seeing some of the girls I went to school with (+kids), my godson and my friends daughter who has already made it to five years old... woah, time just flies by, and it's the age of the kids that makes you realize how old you have gotten. When we were driving home today we made a pit stop by my aunt who's had her second baby, and my little cousin who is 2 years. I haven't seen her since may, but she wasn't shy at all, and seemed overjoyed that I was visiting. Normally she just hangs with my parents because she knows them but not me as much, so GO me, for being the cool one this time.

sitting in my old kitchen makes me realize how much I miss this place. It's weird being 26, not having lived in your own house since you were 17 (well, technically I was 16 when I moved out, but since my birthday is in sept I was 17 about two weeks later). It's been nine years since I woke up in the mornings and my mom drove me to school, it's been Narvik, Kristiansand, Tromsoe, Oslo, Tromsoe and back to Oslo again since then. A university degree, several men (haha), and jobs later I am merely a guest in my own home.

This house still holds so much of my old stuff, and every time I am in this house I go in to the basement storage room to look at my old stuff. I don't have the heart to throw anything out, but at the same time I have way too much stuff just stored here, that I most likely will never get any use of. I would take a picture but I can't, because my camera has been lost since new years... It sucks -as I was hoping my parents would have located it by now -sad truth that they haven't.. I don't know what to do with myself, as I do not wish to BUY a new one because it is truly not FAIR that it is gone without even being two years old or something. Yes, I am annoyed, yes I can't stop talking about it -SORRY....

Arghhhhh! Bringing the anger in to the next paragraph might be rude, but still, AARRRGHHHHH. I have a week left of my vacation, lord knows what I am going to do with all this spare time. There are probably a gazillion things I COULD do, especially with the already mentioned STUFF that could use a good old beating /cleaning. However, going through my old stuff, not being able to bring too much of it down to our apartment anyway is pretty useless... isn't it? I could go hiking in the mountains -seeing as the scenery just now is just INCREDIBLE. The colors up north is something you can only experience, fall just blows up in your face like nothing else up here -orange, red, yellow, brown as far as the eye can see. If you are a teensy bit lucky, you'll find a green spot here or there too! The sun has been out the last couple of days, which of course brings a smile to anyones face, living right now is pretty much awesome (cept for stupid camera).

I will try to post more pictars though, I mean, I could always just use googleimages anyway! OR find some old junky pictures you haven't seen before -I mean, who would know the difference. If I was going to have real fun I could scan some of my teenage pictures and you can all have a laugh of how young I was back in the days... (haha, as if my 26 year old self is that OLD right now, maybe not).


Watch out for more blog posts, as vacationing might be pretty boring after a while. :)
xo
M

I love you

I love that it's midnight and you brought feta-cheese in to bed, so we can eat it even though we really should be sleeping. I love how you come to bed when me, even when you don't want to, because it is so comfortable having you next to me when I fall asleep. I love how you are always warm, whilst I am always cold, and you can warm my body up even though it's minus out and I think I will never be able to reach normal body temperature. I love how you hold me when I feel bad and need a hug, and how you can make me smile just by being next to me. I love how you make me feel, even though a lot of times I am angrier at you than I've ever been at anyone else. I love it when you do the dishes that I didn't ask you to do, or when you buy something good to eat and cook it for me because let's face it -you are the better chef. I love the way romantic songs can make me feel this way, because it must mean that I do want to be with you, even though you drive me crazy at times. I love how you bought be Global Agenda, and that you keep playing it with me, even though I'm not as good at it as you. I love waking up next to you in bed, even though one of us is always grumpy, and the other one gets to stay in bed for longer. I love how I can close my eyes now, and cuddle up against your side -and hopefully fall asleep because you are warm, and cozy, and right there with me..

<3
M

Nighttime...

It's one o'clock and pretty much time to close my eyes and go to sleep. I just kind of can't... not just yet, it's so nice reading about other peoples lives, seeing how their weekend has been, seeing what they have done when I have been gaming all weekend (hehe).

I realize my latest blog entry was a bit hard on myself. And after Martine commented on the blog, and Heidi commented to me on fb-chat, I realize that yes, I am downplaying myself - a whole lot actually. I really shouldn't. What I have accomplished in life is pretty huge. I never had a bad life, I never hurt myself physically, but I've had some emotional struggles throughout my life anyway. Not knowing my biological father has hurt me more than I think anyone could know. Just for the record, I don't blame my mom, because it has nothing to do with her, it's got all to do with him..and his choice not to be in my life (well, until that day in November when he decided to contact me on fb).

I've struggled with ana, all the way up until that day when my boyfriend decided to take one extra try at this tric he wanted to do (a 360 on slalom skis, the first skiing day of the season). Turned out that was a bad idea, and he ended up not making another jump for the rest of his life... I promised myself that day I would not go back to ana, and even though I have had a few days where I really haven't felt like eating, I still have, and I've been good for about 5 years now -an accomplishment in itself. I've been on anti-depressants (when I was 18), I've been in different types of therapy for different things... but I've realized it's not for me. The pills I was on for about a year, the therapies for longer.

I have decided talking to my friends, writing on my blog, and crying whenever I feel like it (well, mainly to poor boyfriend), is what I need right now, I don't want someone who don't know me to hear about my life, my emotions and thoughts... (well, except you, reading this blog that doesn't know me). I think remembering to take my vitamin D/A supplements, and my omega-3 will make me be in a pretty decent mood throughout the winter. Also, living down south, compared to up north really does make a difference for my mental health... that's just the way things are, sorry guys, not coming back up there just yet :)

My eyes are too sleepy now.. Will try to post some more PICTURES on this goddamn place... just want to find my Ixus first... (been lost for a while)
have a good one
xo
M

Daily life

Not much goes on in my life. Yesterday was the first day since (well, what feels like) forever boyfriend went to bed BEFORE I did. Imagine that! Reason? He went to bed at 3.30 the night before and still have to get up to go to work early in the morning. I have started work at 7.45 every day this week, and I know a lot of people do that on a regular basis, I however, do not, so it feels exhausting.

It seems everyone is getting married these days. Now don't get me wrong, I don't MIND that people are getting married, it just makes me feel a bit "old" and not as "settled" as everyone else. But then again, marriage is nothing but a piece of paper, what connects you is not that piece of paper... However ever since I met boyfriend, and we talked about it like a year back, when he stated "you should get married before moving in together" (made me tremble in fear), I have thought, hmm.. maybe marriage isn't such a bad thing. But suddenly, boyfriend decides that marriage isn't that important, and being "samboere" is really enough. What did that lead to? Me being upset of course! (God, I'm such a WOMAN). Because finally when I have gotten to terms with the fact that maybe I have to "commit" in form of marriage (not to a priest however), then suddenly he is all "no it doesn't matter". Annoyed girlfriend right here!

To me marriage is not having to walk down the isle (we are both pretty much atheist/agnostic), or having a big expensive party that we can't (well, theoretically we could -who am I kidding) afford. To me it would just be about having a ring on my finger, and I don't really know if that's right either. When I was younger I used to believe that there was no point in commiting to eachother like that, now I'm conflicted by my desires to "own" someone else, and my old thougths on "I don't need anyone to be my husband ever". He is the one that made me have these thoughts in the first place, what right does he have to take them away! Muhaha. My plan was always to get married when I was 60, that way the likelyhood of it lasting "for a lifetime" was better :)

Anyway, enough about marriage. I am still pondering on whether or not to buy myself a 5500nok camera. I don't really know what I would take pictures of to be honest, but I want one so I have the oportunities to take good pictures. It is way more fun to take pictures when you have a proper camera then when you don't. And I have kind of lost my other camera, I haven't had it since last summer when we were in the US.. Sucks ass... I wonder where it is so badly.. Will look when I am at home at my parents place...

Ok, my blog is really boring, I know..but I live a boring life.
How are you?
xo
M

Norwegian vs English

Been trying to find new blogs to read, and mainly they all seem to be in Norwegian. Don't get me wrong, I don't really have any big problems with reading Norwegian as I am one. I've actually noticed I sometimes prefer reading stuff in Norwegian as it makes me think less about what I am reading. That being said, English is a far better language for describing a bigger array of emotions, and it is also my preferred language to write in, when I write.
It seems like every time I try to write anything in Norwegian it ends up being short-lived, as I can't seem to describe my day, my feelings or my life as well in Norwegian as I can in English.
At the same time when I read all these blogs in Norwegian, and I find all these wonderful girls posting about their day to day life thinking -would they read my blog if they found it, even if it is in english? I find it pretty impressive that a lot of people post about their every day struggles, about their eating disorders, their depressions and anxiety without being scared that someone they know will read their innermost feelings. Well, I shouldn't say that, what do I know about what they feel -but you catch my point. They are not hiding from who they are, KUDOS.

It seems every time I try to describe how I feel about my previous experiences it all ends up in a ramble of non-sense and not much to read. Maybe that's just how I feel though. I'm happy I've come as far as I have. I never injured myself (well, except for the odd overheated shower to try to feel anything back in 05), I only had some eating problems a couple of.... well, more than a couple of times, but all in all -right now, in this moment, I only have small issues to deal with on a day to day basis. Like -who will empty the dishwasher and the clothes rack, or who will make dinner. Btw, those things are not just small things, because some times they make me cry, because I don't want to be the person who does it every single time. Yes, it might be MY need to have a clean apartment, but it is still OUR stuff... know what I mean?

Ah well... won't be too crazy about it, I'm pretty much good whatever I do, and one must always have a few down-hours during a day, to make up for all the good ones. Some times I feel like I don't have a life, because I never go out and do stuff with my friends. Not that I have a lot of friends either, or that I necessarily WANT to do anything.. because you know what, I really enjoy my time in front of my computer, sitting next to my boyfriend doing whatever... Especially after an eight hour work day. And come weeends I'm not much of a party person, and I like just staying in relaxing, as work-week means being active all day, just sitting in doing nothing makes me pretty happy... ah well... Hope you -my friend reading this, understands, I love you all, I just suck as socializing.

xo
MCurrently drooling on this little thing... Didn't want anyone (boyfriend) to buy it for me for my birthday, but now I might have to buy it myself...

Faith

People have so much faith, or is it believe you say? I think it's faith in english (pardon my french, or ahem...english). Anyway. Ever since I got an offer about this job -everyone has been telling me to go for it. Then I decided not to go for it and I posted it all over my blog and on facebook... Then the regional manager made me change my mind (uææ... I still don't know if I made the right choice). And everyone was either very happy for me, or very sad because I'm quitting my current job.

Yesterday we were out with old colleagues, and my boss told me that if I had aimed for one of the jobs in the city I would have been up there competing for them. I don't think so however. I got the impression that the only reason they could put me in this job is because they were struggling to find people who would take it. Not that that is a very nice reason for getting a job in the first place, but at the same time, taking over and hopefully changing something noone else wanted to believe in is pretty cool don't ya think?

Being out last night made me realize that whoever I talk to believes that this is the right decision, and that I will be a good manager/boss. They are all proud of me and believe in me so much it makes me kind of scared I will fail and disappoint everyone... Boyfriend says I should just accept and appreciate that everyone believe in me so much and wish me all the best. But as usual I have massive problems accepting that I might be good at something.. Especially since I've always been told the oposite by my fellow kids at school when I was really young. It's hard for me to realize what's going to happen in two months, as it seem so far ahead in the future... I talked to the boss over there and everyone was very excited (in lack of a better word) about me coming over, but I don't mean in the way that they know who I am, but in the way that they are wondering who I am!

Uææ.. I really need to get out there and present myself, but will not be able to do it the next two weeks because of different situations within this pharmacy. In addition to that, I should do it on a Tuesday since that is when I normally start my job at noon anyway, so I have a bit of time. I should talk to the regional manager about this, but then again contacting him again makes it all so real :P ha ha

I'm a whack job, I know
40 mins left of work, SO boring on Thursdays, hardly anything to do!
xo
M

took it anyway

what the hells is wrong with me, Suddenly I have a new job... Probably starting first of december. How will this end...?
stay tuned.

M

Not taking it

I've decided not to take the job. It's too much stress, both getting there and back, and the thought of taking over the pharmacy at this point. I would love to manage a pharmacy, but not this one, and not at this time. I am sure my regional manager will try to persuade me. But it's not about the money, or just about the travel time, it's about what I had been planning for the next 8 months of my life. It's about not wanting to move closer to aker brygge to take the boat, or out to the peninsula where the Pharmacy is anyway.

I'm still curious on who will be my new boss, and what will happen there. But hey, maybe in a while, there will be a possibility that I can take over another pharmacy within a year or two. I don't know what we want to do, I don't know if we want to buy a house or not within a year. I don't know whats going to happen, and taking the job would lock me down more than it would let me go in terms of freedom. I like my apartment, I like my job -although it may be boring at times. Argh... talking about it makes me wonder if I am doing the right decision, but choosing to take the job is making me more stressed out than not taking it, and I think that gives away my answer right then and there. There is no rush to become apothecary.. it can wait 2-4 years if it must.

How are you?

xoxo

M

Job opportunities

So they want to give me a job. Now they don't want to give me the job I applied for (I think It's because they can't trick their way around the system in that job). I have yet to make a list of pro's and con's.... My gut feeling said no, now it says what the F am I supposed to do...?
Here's the situation. The pharmacy in question is out on a peninsula, it will take me 1h to get to work (at least) and back home again of course. It has problems because of it's terrible location and will be moving in to a bigger location come summer of 2011. However, it would still require a whole 8-9 months of waiting for that to happen. The staff most likely has an avg age that is way above mine, and I wasn't really counting on getting a job that involved leadership at this point (Except if it was MY pharmacy).

Things to concider: Travel time to work, who will I work with, and who will I work with if I chose not to take this job. I will be getting a new boss anyway, and whoever knows who that will be? Not me. I will know tuesday however.. If I take job offer I will get a significant raise -is it worth is just for a raise? I don't think it is... This weekend I've gone from yes to no to no to yes to no again... Now I am on the verge of going insane, thinking that hey, I don't know who I am getting in here as boss over me from 1st of November, so I might as well leave the pharmacy and go somewhere else.. The things is though, I don't want that somewhere else to be the actual pharmacy they want to put me in. I'd rather wait, so what if I don't get along with my new boss, I can always just go to work, be happy with my tech-co-worker that I adore, and enjoy all my great coustomers. I am darn good at my job, and I would make a good boss, just not right now -not right there.

In other news, me and boyfriend have been playing the crap out of Global Agenda this weekend -as that was all he wanted for his birthday. I'm happy he is a simple guy, who only has one wish for his birthday -me gaming with him. He does want a Lego-Castle too, and seeing as I don't know anything else to get him, I might as well get him that too. It is around 180 USD though (1000NOK), and definetly a weird ass thing to get a guy for his 28th birthday -but again, he has no other desires, thereby -why not? I was thinking about going to ToysR'Us to see if I can find it on sale, but honestly it is just too much work getting out there just to look for a freaking lego set. So what if it's 100NOK cheaper, it's not going to be on half off anyway.

Picture of mentioned castle

Have a good day everyone, I will be keeping my mind-thinking/numbing thoughts throughout the day, so if you happen to have any tips on how to make a decision (yes I will make a pro/con list)

-Please let me know!

Have a good one

xoxo

M

Depression

Watching the last episode of OTH. Or what I thought was the last episode but apparently there's another season. In this one Haley is depressed because her mom died.. Inger, an old friend of mine, posted on facebook and her blog today that one of her friends, or acquaintance had died today. It seems like there's a lot of depression or sadness going around today. So I decided to write a post about it.

It's always sad when people pass away, and there is no words, no emotions that are big enough to describe the feeling you feel when someone you know dies, let alone when someone you LOVE dies. Been there, done that. Sounds pretty harsh, yes I know. In the moment when people have died, there seems like nothing is right in the world, and that there is no reason for anything. It will never make sense, no matter how hard you try, someones death will never make sense. Whether they die in an accident, because of illness, or because of war.. (albeit we've had this discussion before Martine, let's not get into it).

After a while it dawns on you that it wasn't a nightmare, that the people you thought were invinsible, or the people you can't believe are gone are actually exactly that -gone. But gone seems like such a harsh word, and to be honest -and this sounds tacky, but people aren't gone. If they aren't in our hearts (since our hearts are basically just a blood-pump) they are in our minds, and in our minds, even if you try, people are hardly ever forgotten. I mean how often haven't you tried to forget someone who hurt you, or some customer who is just ridiculously rude.

Depression in some cases are a matter of the mind(heart), in these cases the good old phrase that you don't believe in the moment is that time heals all wounds. Sometimes these wounds are opened again... Like the day that someone you know says as a comment, I hope I won't be that laim when someone I care for die -and you realize, and say, that's not really something you decide, that's just something that happens... Even though it is five years ago, even though most of the hurt and the pain is gone, the memories remain, and can hit you in an instant.

In other moments depression is all the moments that you've had in your life... All the people who have tried to put you down, all the people who left you behind and just didn't care anymore. The people who were never there and hurt you because of it. Bad people that really can't bug you anymore, because, guess what, they are gone. They are not in your life for a reason, so again, no reason to be depressed over that! Time, and distance(?) heals wounds too.

I'm sorry if this post doesn't make sense. Depression doesn't make sense however. And I must admit, I have been depressed for a substantial amount of my life. There was the time when I was 15, when I had an eating disorder and fainted in school because of it. There is this time after I moved away from home to get away from the people who always bothered me -and then my boyfriend and I broke it off and I was all alone (or it felt like I was all alone) and felt bad over it. Then there was a year at college, where I was being honest about who I was, and people didn't accept me for who I was. Then there was university, realizing I got over previously mentioned boyfriend, who was actually quite liberating.. but then there was the death of my at the time boyfriend, which kinda sucked. At that exact time, I was trying to find the courage to contact my biodad, which turns out, contacted me last year in Nov/Dec on FB (old story). Then there was the dealing of that, a broken friendship after a year or so, and then finally, finding someone to love again who wasn't complicated and depressed himself. Then, there was the whole biodad issue that finally got resolved before summer.

For once in my life, I feel good about myself. Yes, I have some pounds to loose. Yes, I haven't gotten in touch with my half brother, the son of my biodad that I have met once. I don't feel like dealing with it, I don't feel like dealing with meeting biodad again right now, but at least I have met him -once. I feel like my job is OK -not perfect, but OK. I've asked for a raise, I'm getting a new boss, and to be honest one of my co-workers is driving me insane, but then again, that's probably what its like at any job. My personal life is good, my boyfriend and I am doing good. We're getting used to living together, after a year of trying :P Who said relationships and living together was easy? Ok, so it's not that bad, but it does take some getting used to another person who has their ways, compared to your (maybe a teensy bit anal) obsessive ways.

I'm good. I'm happy, I can for once, in several years (however sad that might sound) say that I am not depressed. And it feels freaking fantastic...

Again, sorry if this post doesn't make sense, you are always welcome to ask me about it.

xo

M

Quote: "It's just a hill -let's climb it together"

Cleaning (and baking!)

Having Tine and Trine over for coffee tomorrow, and seeing that my boss brought cake in to work the other day, I decided to make the same cake for tomorrow. So here goes, look at this calorie-killer:

6 eggs
9 dl (!) of sugar -stir these until they become airy and in Norwegian is known as "eggedosis"
mix the following dries:
4,5 dl of wheat-flour
12 table spoons of cocoa powder
2 table spoons of vanilla sugar
then use
375 g of butter - melt and let cool a bit

Miks in the dries and the butter a bit at a time into the egg/sugar mix.
Finally, chop 1 cup of almonds and stir into the batter before putting it in a baking dish (I used a rectangular one, maybe 20cmx30cm?)

Bake in the oven (I used the lower part of the oven so it wouldn't burn on top) at 150 degrees celcius for about 50 minutes, the middle part is supposed to stay a teeeeensy bit raw, although I had to cook it for 1 hour 5 min and it wasn't on mine, it was still delicious! (pic will be posted when I find my camera cord)

Right now manning up to cleaning the rest of the apartment, starting with the bedroom. I stripped the bed of our sheets and are planning to clean under the bed before I put them back on. Meaning if I am to clean the bedroom I kind of have to do it today, as I do need to put on sheets to sleep there tonight (although Pete wouldn't care if I didn't). The hallway just needs some light vacuuming, and the livingroom some small de-cluttering. Actually I want to de-clutter this whole place, as I know I have plenty of stuff in the kitchen I don't even use, and I have plenty of stuff in my wardrobe that is just taking up space too. We'll see, one way or the other things will look better as time passes on.

Guess maybe a glass of white wine will do the trick to give me some energy? The weather is just so inviting for white wine.. :)
Have a good saturday everyone
xoxo
M

Annoyances in life

On the way to work today I kept thinking about all the small things in life that are annoying. Ok, maybe not the most uplifting of thoughts, but still. First of all, the tram was packed.. and even though people are only going down town, and could potentially take the next tram that leaves in three minutes, most people prefer taking the one that arrives then and there... So people end up leaning on each other and jamming themselves close to the doors. It's the same on the way home, on the bus -people jam themselves on, even though there is no space. This leads to the bus driver not being able to close the doors, and me not coming home when I am supposed to come home.

I get it though, I do get it... You don't wanna wait for a bus or a tram that's supposed to be next but that is most likely late, and or equally as full. It's just, people rubbing up against me with either their a. Ass, or b. stomach, really doesn't feel too great at 8.30 am in the morning. I also get late for work because the tram is delayed, which is also annoying. Luckily, there's other people at work, and this will also only last until in a week and a half when our normal opening hours start again. But still... stop rubbing up against me.. (I'm so happy whenever I get the window seat... so pleasing it's not even funny).

Another, more important annoyance however... Cigarette butts -seriously they are EVERYWHERE! I saw this guy smoking his cigarette on the way to a cab this morning, and he just threw it behind him like it was the most comm

on thing to do ever.... to just throw it at the ground like the ground is a pile of trash... and then I looked around and turns out, guess what, IT IS! Argh.. Wouldn't this sign be appropriate?

I guess I won't get my way on cigarette butts, but if you do smoke, would you mind NOT throwing it on the ground, is it really THAT hard to find somewhere to put it that doesn't make a mess of the world around you? Just saying

xoxo

M

August

So whaddaya know, it's august already and the "biggest" part of summer is over. 3 weeks in the US flew by, although I must admit walking in to my own apartment, and sleeping in my own bed was fantabulous. It's been a looong two first weeks at work, but it's finally paying off as I have friday completely to my own disposal. Have to love being a pharmacist when you have an agreement to have every fourth friday off (iiiha). Also gotta love the fact that I have 5 weeks of paid vacation, and that I have the most awesome boss that gives me time off extra too (but mainly because I've worked overtime) and that I will thereby have had like 6 weeks of vacation instead in the grand year of 2010. Too bad he is quitting 1st of November to take over another pharmacy...

This weekend we are celebrating my uncles 40th birthday by having a big bash out on the farm. it will be good seeing my family again, and seeing the kids. They have been nagging my aunt to come over and stay at mine and boyfriends place for a while now (or the smallest cousin has) - no wonder, we are the cool cousins to hang with as we have a ton of videogames and don't really care if they play them all day. We also have rings in our living room which makes for great gymnast fun too! I mean, who wouldn't want to visit us and have a sleepover?

I've come to realize my blog is mainly about myself. I'm not the kind of person who has a lot to say about the community, about politics, about how you should live your life. Basically I just don't know what to write about it, and I am not very interessted in politics or a certain way of living either. I've talked about weightlifting and crossfit at times, and also about how to eat right. Now how to eat right is a very hard thing to discuss. First of all, we are all different, and have different lives and different needs. I sure wish I could make myself some good salads and eat that for breakfast lunch and dinner, but turns out, I suck at planning ahead. I also suck at eating, as often I don't feel like eating, but my body keeps telling me I should. This leads to me eating crappy instead of healthy, making me feel more crappy because the sugar and maltodextrin+++ gives me an insulinspike that quickly disappeares... Seriously, being with my boyfriend has changed my view on alot of things, especially food. Turns out, knowing better isn't always a good enough reason to do what you should be knowing better.

However! Yesterday we went all out and got brownies at 20.50. Ten minutes before the store closed we put our shoes on and RAN to the store to make it so that we could have cake. Ace of cakes is a really bad show to watch if you have a bit of a sweet-tooth. They do make awesome cakes though! I've also really enjoyed cupcake-wars on TLC. Really funny show where four contestants compete to make the ultimate cup-cakes for some event.

I'm yabbering again. TTYL
xoxo
M

Phew

Chrisis overted (is that the correct word? it sounds a bit weird inside my little head). I got my cousin working with me today and yesterday, and will borrow an employee from another pharmacy tomorrow. On Saturday I have a student coming in too, I was supposed to work alone, but I don't wanna stay here for five hours all by myself. First of all, it's ridiculously boring, second it's not the safest thing in the world in CASE anything were to happen.

Anyway... I've been feeling bad about work lately, and it makes me sad because going into this job I was sure I had found the job of my dreams. With my boss quitting, and all the other situations we have around here, I am no longer sure I feel the same way.
We are looking into buying a house, and as we all know buying a house in Oslo is basically out of the question. The house prices in a city are in general insane, wherever you go in the world. Concidering moving out to where my aunt lives, which means an hour fifteen minutes with the train for boyfriend to get to work. If he could remote in to work, or even have a home office day or two it would be even better, but who knows if that's even a possibility..

I feel like my life is in Limbo (like i probably mentioned), and even though I feel like all my friends are living or travelling abroad, I still feel good about staying in Norway. Staying here might be the safe bet, but staying here also means making sure we use all the great benefits socialist Norway has to offer.

The gym has not seen the looks of me since beginning of June. It feels horrible, but at the same time I really don't feel like going back. My weight is stuck on the same weight it's been at for a year. Even though I have built more muscles so my distribution has changed. I have to make a meal plan, and I know I have been talking about it for what, about six months now, but it's really hard for me to do. Being obsessive about food is not good for me, and not being obsessive about it is making me crazy too.

Guess I need to work a bit -waiting for one of our good coustomers to walk in the door.
xo
M

SYTYCD

Watching so you think you can dance and Cat Deeley is seriously HOT. That woman is TAAAALL. She has the longest legs I've ever seen, although they are always stuck in a pretty nice shiny pair of heels. Whoa, just needed to say that.

Alex is out in this episode, and I am dreading to look online to see if he is cut now. Haha, I can't believe how dedicated I get into TV-shows. Don't even get me started on the season finale of Greys Anatomy... OMFG. I have so many favourites on So you think you can dance though, I don't even know where to start! I mean, they can't all win, and with Alex out this week (the one I had decided was my favourite), I have no idea. Well, right now it is Josè, the B-boy turned contemporary today! (or 4th of July weekend really, but still).

Work this week is... challenging. I am the boss of the pharmacy, currently managing noone but myself! funfunfun :) Can't say more about it, ah well, at least I have someone with me so that I can pee and also get food -yay for food. I'm not eating enough in the evenings because I quite frankly forget. Turns out right now we don't even have any food in the house. Well that was clever now wasn't it..

Ah well, to unfocused to blooooogg... Guess I'll have to make an omelette or something.
xo
M

Back to life again

The rain outside my window seems to have calmed down again. It's grey everywhere, but apparently the sun will come back tomorrow. We'll see. For some weird reason I've been moody today. I don't really know why. I worry alot. I guess I have always been sort of a worrier. I wish I wasn't, trust me, I don't like pining in my thoughts and being emotional because of every twisted little thing. However - I am.

I think my biggest problem is I don't know how to accept that I should be happy. I have everything I need in the world. I have a great job, I have good friends (although scattered all over the world), I have the most amazing man I could ever have, but can I just accept everything and be happy? No I can't. I think there's something "wrong" with me. I think all those years of being told I was ugly and sweatty and discusting have finally caught up with me, and it's holding me down so badly. Why can't I just get over it, when I KNOW what's wrong, why can't I just push those bad feelings away and embrace all the good ones?

I want to try. I just had to write it out a bit. Yes, this is a public blog, yes, this is showing you some of the weird stuff going on inside my head. But hey, is that always a bad thing?

I have to figure out what to eat for the next few weeks. Main goal, less carbs and sugars, and more meat and vegetables.. and most importantly of all, enough calories to keep me going.

hope you are all well
xoxo
M

Hobby much...

So I disconnected the TV before vacation. Reason? Norwegian NRK takes 1600 kr per 6 months for TV-license. So far (three days of jetlag) it has worked out pretty good. Although it means I have watched several (6) episodes of Greys anatomy, four of CupCakeWars and a couple of Ace of Cakes on my computer lately. Obsess much? Boyfriend has built one of his lego castles... Now I want one too because I was jealous of him building his...

I'm looking at landlords beads and think maybe I should do something there. I remember looing at Julies gorgeous earrings her mom made her, and concidering to make some myself. Going to Michaels in RI freaked me out a bit though, because I am not crafty woman, I am more handy woman. Like today, when I had to call up a gazillion people for fixing the electricity thing. I felt like I was on the phone forever. And even though some man came and helped me, I knew what to do about it. The thing is if I do it myself insurance won't matter if I'm "wrong".

I find myself getting bored of doing nothing, of just watching stuff on my computer. But when you think of it, watching stuff on my computer is no different than watching TV, and I spend less time doing it on my computer than I would TV, so basically it should make me happier. I should have more time to do other stuff, but what is this other stuff that I want to make time for? Really? Not much to be honest! :) I'm not crafty woman, I am handy woman.

Assuming going into lifting will be a good thing, and make my mind be set into another matter. I am going to try to do both lifting and crossfit after a while. Have to get back into workouts first. It's really hard. I'm still jetlagging, and I don't want to be. I wish I could just get off the plane and NOT be jetlagged. I wish jetlagged could go away... GO AWAY JETLAGGED.... :(

*grumpy*
Enjoy
xoxo
M

Stomach ache and electrical problems

I had too much strawberries with milk and cream...I don't know if it was the half bad strawberries or if it was the cream, but my stomach isn't feeling too good.

I had to close the pharmacy at noon today. The electricity had been out for three hours (alarm system still up and running though, good thing). I am going back to the pharmacy in a couple of hours to make sure everything is still up and running, PLUS figure out if we can open tomorrow or not. Five is when we are supposed to CLOSE today anyway, so there better be NOone waiting for me ('cept for one person who already called). It's funny, this is my boss second day of vacation, and already everything is a mess -isn't that typical, first one bad things happen and then the next.

Waiting for your cellphone to charge is pretty boring :P It's all I'm doing right now, since I have to be able to recieve calls from customers needing their meds. I ordered tickets to go home to see my family in sept/oct, this means I will NOT be going to Turkey to visit Ronja this year.. It sucks, and I am really sad about it.. But I really can't manage another vacation before october, and also the flights would be an extra 2 hours down there... Not that the bustrip from Evenes is less than 2 hours, but atleast I'm not leaving the country.

I've been travelling alot this year. First it was Fuerteventura in January, then I went up to Indre Troms to help out with a kickboxing event. After that I went to Rome with work during first of may weekend, before going 3 weeks to America with Pete this last 3 weeks. Antoher trip abroad is just too much for this year, and even though I am probably using all my hours and holiday-days this first week of October, I don't think we would have had the oportunity to go home for Christmas anyway. I have no idea how to break that to my mom, but I guess I have to do it one way or another.

I mean, is it very wrong of me to go home a week in October where I know I have the time, rather than hope I can find cheap tickets to go for a stressful five days in December... Nah, I don't really think so... I will have about ten days at home instead of mentioned five, PLUS there is no stress of christmas foods or meeting family for holiday dinners and or coffee+cake. All in all, good decision. Just wish Peter could come too.

xoxo
M

Hot hot hot

Not much going on these days. The weather is ridiculously hot. It's closing in on 100 degrees in the shade, meaning that its about 34 degrees celcius, IN THE SHADE. PHEW. We keep hiding out upstairs in the airconditioned room. It's fantastic, but it isn't 100% fantastic either, it just seems like its too hot for the AC to handle. ah well.

The sun is setting and the heat will hopefully become tolerable. We are going out for some food in a little while. Oh god, I just realized I turned into one of the 14-18year old bloggers who mention every little thing they do during the day. Ha ha.

We've been here for over a week already and I really do feel we aren't doing much. But then again, isn't that what vacationing should be all about? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like just sitting here is not enough, that I ought to be doing something -but I really don't feel like it.

The Americans are discussing politics, how the system works and how President Obama is doing. The general response from this camp -not very good. I dunno, I actually don't know anything about this. I also do not know much about Norwegian politics. Frankly, I really haven't cared much. However, maybe I should. Maybe I should get more into it, read up in it, and join the discussion. We live in the safest country in the world. One of the countries with the safest economy, and with the lowest amount of crime per capita... How I know this? Mainly because my boyfriend tells me.I feel like I should read up on things, but really I don't know where to start. There is so much I would like to know more about, not necessarily politics, but food, excersize, life in general...

ah well... maybe I have to make my new hobby reading up on things so I can be a smarter person... or that doesn't sound right, a more informed person? blah, I dunno.

xoxo

M

of course

...war is a bad thing. My last post might have been kind of awkwardly written. It was written in affection and in sorrow so please forgive my kind of weird way of saying things. Just wanted to point that out. I am in fact Norwegian, Norwegians are in general against war and yes, our defence is called our national defence for a reason. Sadly however, fact is that war IS going on, and people, sivilians and army are getting killed, and that is sad.

To add to the fact it made me think of dead boyfriend too. Ah well, to be a bit politically uncorrect (more politically uncorrect) about it all, we all are still alive, and we will be fine. It sure doesn't feel like it for the people left behind right now, but it is, as I have experienced a fact. I remember the worst part of the days after the death was that the world just seemed to move further, and I felt like I just stood still watching it move. It sucked ass..

Again, Rest in Peace Simen and your fellow soldiers -you will all be missed.

xo
M
(In random chain of events american TV just had a political thing about the fact that the Afghan war is the longest war in american history (atleast on forein soil maybe?? -I'm no history student).

R.I.P.

Four Norwegian soldiers were killed in Afghanistan today. One of them was one of my favourite freshmans when I was a senior in High School. Rest in Peace Simen, you will never be forgotten.

My vacation got off to a bit of a rocky start with this message -although that is nothing compared to the pain and hurt and devastation his family and loved ones feel (and the three others). I had to write this, war is a hard thing to decide whether is good or bad... But whatever lives war takes, it always hurts for someone.

All my love and sympathy to the families and friends of our soldiers.
xo
M

Friendships and boyfriends (and alcohol too)

Warning, If you are one of my friends, and you do read my blog, either you can choose to be offended, you can choose not to read this post, or you can choose to just not put too much into things like this, as it is in fact a blog -and blogs are mainly about ranting.

I've never been a girl with a lot of friends. I've never been a girl with alot of female friends first of all, nor did I ever have a lot of boyfriends/boy-friends. Some of my boy friends, turned out to be either into being my boyfriend, or they found some girl who weren't interessted in them having a girl friend, so they basically just fell out of my life. Not that I mind, if you aren't man enough to keep your friendships after you join a relationship, then screw you -you have to learn to man up.
I will admit to the fact that if my boyfriend had a girlfriend he talked to more than he talked with me, and even hung out with more than he was around me, then yes -I would mind. My boyfriend however doesn't believe in jealousy, and if I did become jealous, that would be my problem -not his. Fair enough really, although it would pose a problem for our relationship. Good thing it's not an issue -at least not at the present time.

I just came to think of the fact that I don't really have that many close friends -and I don't see my friends very often. Does that make me a bad person? I don't think so. First of all, when you are no longer a student, you are no longer around alot of the people that you used to call friends. If I have to be honest with you, only one, or maybe two of the people I went to school with are my actual friends. I have a lot of aquaintances, and I have a lot of people I "know" -but friends? I wouldn't quite say that we are, no. It's ok that I meet these people every now and again, it's also ok that we have a coffee or do a BBQ in a park somewhere -it's just that, I feel like whenever we meet and casually talk, I remember and realize why we are not friends, and that we really don't have that much in common. And do you know what that is? It's JUST FINE.

We were forced to hang out, because we went to school together. Ok, so we picked the same studies. Picking the same degree means you should probably have some stuff in common, some sort of shared interest you would be able to talk about, and yes, we do. Besides that however, there isn't that much else that matches. I'm a nerdy computer girl who don't mind using the computer as my entertainmentcenter. I don't like going out and getting wasted, I choose not to do so because I don't feel like it, not because I'm trying to be boring. That's another thing btw, why are you always stamped as boring just because you'd rather stay in and watch a good movie instead of getting wasted at an overpriced bar? I never got drunk beyond belief, I never really "got" the whole drinking your brains out... I just, don't. Does it make me less interessting? I hate having hangovers, and after the last time I went out with work, I've had a headache for a week and a half because of shoulder/neck pains. This goes to show, alcohol + me = bad.

I'm lucky, I'm with someone who understands that, and who loves me for who I am. I've gotten new friends who also don't nag me about "oh but why aren't you drinking", and instead just accept that I want to have water for the rest of the evening instead of hangover-red-wine. I don't like beer, I detest drinks unless they are made by a professional, and even then, they bore me after a while because they are too sweet or too something.

Anyway.. back to the friendships. I've seen people come and go, alot actually -and haven't we all. I'm glad I've come to a point in life where I get to pick my friends, and my school doesn't get to pick them for me. I'm SO happy I don't have to be a part of a "group" that I don't really belong into, but I try anyway just because they feel like they have to invite me in. I'm glad all the lunches are over, all the heartaches are over, and that all the mean people in my life has gone their own ways. Some of them are probably not mean people, but we just didn't get along, which is as mentioned already, F-I-N-E.

This post turned out a bit different than I thought it would. Ah well, I write whatever pops into my head, and I don't edit. so here ya go.
xoxo
M

Not quite afterall.

I'm bored, waiting for P to finish work. He should be done any minute, but are working on something so I assume it will take a bit longer than expected. We're going to the park for a birthday celebration, I bet I will go insane not being able to go to the bathroom (haha, ain't my blog interessting to read?). The weather is fantabulous, I think it should have been this way this weekend too, but ah well, guess I'll have to make the most of it. I don't start work until noon tomorrow, and 11 the next day, so some morning sunshine will do me good.

Payroll ppl f'ed up my paycheck this month, so I got about 10k less than expected. That sucked ass, but I should be getting some more tomorrow. I won't get double (which was half expected), but I mean, with the tax money I'm getting back I should be pretty good for the summer. It's now only 6 days for departure america, yayayayayyaa... Can you tell I'm excited to go?
What I'm more excited about than anything is just to enjoy time with P without having to plan on it. Weekends just seem to fly by, and even though I don't mind weekends indoor with TV and or computers in addition to lunch and workouts with good friends, they just run out too quickly. Atleast when we are in the US it's easier to just take a drive somewhere to visit someone and not just sit indoor even if the weather is crap.

I want to find some new websites to read on. Even though I should read on marksdailyapple and more of the crossfit, paleo etc sites that I already read on. I dunno, sometimes I just find it hard to sit down and read alot, and it doesn't feel like the information I read get into my head, it just kinda stays out there on the outside.. (hihi, that sounded weird...makes sense in my head though). If you have any good ones let me know though, I could always use some more information.

One of the new students are kinda... odd.. First of all she corrected me when I told a customer that after a certain time, say ten years, a patent runs out and other drug companies are allowed to make the same drug. Now ok, tbf, I don't remember how long a patent runs, but that was beyond the point. She corrected me by phrasing it @mee: I think you said something WRONG. ok? You said that patents run out after 10 years, its actually 20...
I must admit I became a bit offended, it was her second day and she was corrected me. To be fair, she is probably (very likely) correct, but the point wasn't to have a class on patent law for the customer, but to tell her that after a certain amount of time things change.
So, today, I showed the student this awesome site where some guys (maybe girls, I dunno, whatever) have listed all supplements and put them in a bubble chart. The bubblechart displays the evidence for the supplements, along with their suggested diseases to prevent&or aid. All in all there is a "worth it" line that tells you if the supplements evidence basis is good enough to actually be worth taking it or not. Anyway, new student then says, ha ha, well look at the sitename, alot of those sites are just bullshit according to some of our teachers..

I'm like, ok hon, but you see this chart is based on alot of studies, looked up through PubMed (and actually cochrane too, although cochrane isnt the best source for material always) and have very well documented stuff... ARGH! Why does she think that I, as a professional, would show her a site where the information was taken out of the blue?? ARGH! Yes, I am overreacting, but she was/is being annoying at several other things and sometimes, its just not what I need right there and then... And also I'm superready for vaca...

cya
xoxo
M

Blogstop.com

Hey

Not much to write these days -thereby, no blogging. It's weird really. I've had Martine over for two weeks, it feels like no time at all. Time fly by when you have work and busy lives with all the stuff going on around it. Synne came to Oslo a few days ago, and now she took over the relay-stick (it is the proper word for it, but I like "stafettpinne" better) and is currently occupying my sofa. Good times.

Summer has fallen down from the skies, yayyy!! It's sunny and warm and you never have to wear a jacket. Now I must admit -Peter has been wearing no jacket forever. In one little week we will be on our way to America and we will have a three week long vacation with no worries but what to eat, which surely can't be a problem in that country. We are going to try and squeeze in time with as many people as possible, and even make it for a week up north to see our good friends in Montreal.

I find myself content with the way things are right now. I know there are still issues to be resolved with my dad. I know there are still alot of heartache to go through, but I just don't feel like doing that right now. I love my man, I love my life, but since I didn't get the job, I am opening up my options for moving, either within or out from the country. There's no day like today, and no moment like the present. -Which I just proved by shoving my face full of "small-candy" (another good norwegian word, smågodt), alot of Pistasjio ice-cream and three whole wheat buns... NOMNOM. Oh Oslo thou art dangerous, there is too short of a distance between the deli-delucas and the 7elevens.

cyas all later, can't promise any blogging for some weeks, maybe I will, maybe I won't.
xoxo
M

Friends -and about getting older

So as you all know by now, I've had issues all my life. Basically in primary school everyone got teased by this girl, well, alot of us anyway... who by the end of primary school kinda stopped, but still -it had all begun. In secondary school (12-15) I was bullied by all the boys -oh what a great life. I fainted in school because I hadn't eaten for days/weeks and finally had to talk to a nurse about it. I don't know how much my mom knows, we've never really talked about it. It's not because I have a bad relationship with my mom, it's because I find it hard to talk to the people I love about the things that are closest to my heart (it should be oposite, yes).

After the first year of high school I finally left my hometown and moved to the city where my biodad is from. Imagine that. I am also born there for that matter... but anyway. I had a boyfriend there at the time, so it was the most logical place to follow highschool the last two years. In Narvik everything changed, I got friends, real friends, people who cared about me and didn't leave.. Now don't get me wrong, in secondary school (ungdomsskolen) I had Tine and Siri, and to this day we are still in touch.. I won't be overexadurating when I say they were my only friends back then -although Janne was also a part of my sociallife back when.

After that I had a brief year in Kristiansand, then went to Tromsø for pharmacy studies. I never felt I fit in with my Pharmacy co-students. Although, by the third year I felt I had found some people I could trust. After finishing my masters however, things changed, and the person I thought was my best friend kind of turned on me in the beginning of the year, making me feel very sad and depressed about it all... Ah well.

Long story kinda short, now I'm back in Oslo. Although Martine and Andreas have moved to Canada, and there's been a few tears on that, they are still good friends of ours. I miss them, I will always miss them, but hey, they are living in Canada and we will get to visit them and have a blast. Cassandra is one of my new aquaintances ever since I moved down here, and I would actually admit to saying she is pretty much 80% of all my social life outside of work/gym. Torbjørn is always around (well almost) for saturday gym and turkish -and I bet we could have seen more of him, but as we are, he's probably busy during the week. We stay in touch via SMS though, which is good. Then there's the funcommies who are always fun to hang out with -although I must admit my knowledge of GUI's is rather horrible.

All in all, what I wanted to say was - I feel like my life is getting better on the friends side. These people are not bullshit people who act one way and feel another. They say what they think, they do what they want, and don't worry about what everyone else thinks. They are good people, and I love and adore them all in their own little way. Thank you everyone, for making my life a whole lot better.

Now, people change, and friendships change -there's no guarantee all of these people will still be in my life in a year. But right now, I appreciate where we all are in life, and just wanted to blog a bit about how I feel like my life quality has increased by 200% (or more) just because I'm finally out of Uni, and can choose who my friends are, and who the people around me are every day - I love being an "adult".

About biodad -no news, other than I have to find some way to meet him soon. Going mentally insane not knowing, and it's like ripping off a bandaid, it might hurt, but needs to be done. The wound needs air to heal -just do it.

Ice-coffee delievered!

Hey!

Just a short update. I just did 3 rounds in 7 minutes of 10 HPC's and 20 situps (anchored). It was probably not supposed to be HPC's, but they didn't have an 11 kg bar at Spektrum (they don't, I knew from before) they had 20kg, and I chose to do HPC's instead of proper cleans. Anyway, not too happy with only 3 rounds, but then again, I'm not a big dawg, I'm a puppy, and in some cases a buttercup. I warmed up with my usual 1k row (haha, usual, I've done it twice). Improved my time with 3 seconds, so now my time is 4 min 30,6s. Working my way down! I cashed out with 10 jumping smith machine pullups (really managing to hold myself on the way down now). And 3x10 HSPU with my feet on a bench, well, feet, I had my thighs on it, right above my knees (gotta start somewhere).

But to the topic, Cass brought me a icelatte at work today! She came by the pharmacy randomly and gave me an ice coffee! Oh thank you so much, you made my day and made me feel so incredibly special! <3<3<3 Three hearts for you for being so awesome. I will hang out with you, when we have time.. hehe :) Busy lives. Luckily the pharmacy was not very busy at the time so we managed to chit chat a bit while I had my coffee... Ice coffee.... NOMNOMNOM!

Cooking bacon in bacon (meaning pork wrapped in bacon), waiting for Pete to hurry home after BJJ to eat and run through the shower before going to the movies. I have a feeling we will be late (ah well). Iron man 2 starts at 20:45, and we need to get our tickets from the machine first. Should leave the house around 20.15 to get there on time and all (most likely will be leaving later, I know my man... hmm.)

TTYL
xoxo
M

Lately

I've been really busy.. Last weekend it was Rome with work, which was really cool. this weekend there was Simens confirmation -also very nice and "family time" which is always good. Although, when going back I really understood how much travelling alone sucks.. Noone to keep you company, noone to talk to, noone to hang out with. I bored myself to death.. When I got home I was exhausted, tired, and felt like an idiot because...

...well first of all, when travelling from Gardemoen I decided to take the local NSB train to save 95kr (as the airport express is more expensive, but IS faster). I thereby got into Oslo S about 20 mins later than if I had chosen the Airport Express... fair enough, I did save 90kr, it was just 23.15 already and I was dead tired. I get off the train, walk towards the tram and a junkie girl (probably my age) tries to stop me for a favour, I say I don't have time and hurry off -feeling kinda bad but.... As I walk out the doors of Oslo Central, the 12 tram is about to leave the stop, I try to make it but I don't... I walk over to the 11 tram, thinking ok, five minutes to 54 bus, five minutes to 11 tram, the tram is normally quicker.. err, WRONG! I see the 54 bus go by two minutes later...

Then, the 17 tram arrives at the same time as the 11 tram, meaning the 11 tram stops right behind it. And instead of doing the normal "wait for first tram to leave", he opens the doors in front and lets people out. This leading to people getting ON it aswell, meaning I have to walk with my suitcases to the front door of the tram. Seeing as I have TWO f***ing suitcases I struggle getting them ON the tram, and I can feel peoples eyes as I am delaying the tram from leaving (being stuck in the narrow doorway). I finally sit down and the tram goes forward, and STOPS on the stupid stop again, which means -as I thought, but didn't dare believe, that I could have waited for the stupid tram to stop again... When I arrive at the stop at home, I manage to get my suitcases out but smash them into the ground as I didn't take down the handles before carrying them off.. -again, feeling like an Idiot.

In addition to that I was trying to contact boyfriend to get him to meet me at tram stop... seeing at it was 23.40 and I wanted company on the short -but long way home... Of course his cell was without power.. this all led to me having a mental breakdown as I walked in the door, crying my eyes out because I was so tired... -silly? Yes definetly, but did I do it anyway? Yes

Sorry for boring you with my sappy boring life, needed to vent.
Really don't wanna go to the gym today.. slept about 5,5 hours and just wanna go home and snuggle in some blankets on the sofa... :( Hopefully will go anyway, project "getting better with food and excersize" starts now.. feeling way to crappy about myself not to..

xoxo
M

Edit: Todays WOD is "Barbie" (modified from "Barbara"), the temptation of doing it at home is big, as it involves pull-ups, push-ups, situps and squats..

Sixpacks and BJ's

So for some weird reason I just made a bet with boyfriend, or more, an agreement. If he gets a six pack, I'll give him BJ's. Ah well, luckily I still have a bit of time to get used to the idea, as the six pack is currently hiding out (so is my own). Ha ha, I know this is a public blog, please do not be offended, it was so funny I could not help myself to blog on it.

In other news we've been to the gym again, I did todays WOD (3 Squats for load and 10dips four rounds for time). I did 40kg squats. Time was 8 minutes 13,5 seconds. The first round the gravithingy I do the dips on was not ready, so I had to set it up. Which made me spend about a minute trying to figure the damn thing out. I felt like an idiot, even though I have done it before!!!! ARGH, so annoying.. ah well, I bet that messup wouldn't have made my time too high, probably around 6 minutes.

Tomorrow its hang power cleans and burpees. NOT looking forward to the burpees. Ah well. I'm going to try to do the WOD in the morning, since I don't start work until 12 am. I have a delivery at a dentist office to do too first, so a bit of travelling before any work :) Ah well! I am for once not getting my back rubbed on a tuesday. Nor any other day this weekend. Maybe next tuesday, if they still have an opening for me if I call them monday afternoon... Or maybe I should call them before leaving... hmm.. (ok, sorry, rambling on).

Going to Rome with work this friday, next friday up north and home for a confirmation
Busy life

xoxo
M