tirsdag 19. juni 2012

Disappointments

I've written a post like this before. On how I was disappointed with my grade after my thesis. I think I also mentioned how I was disappointed I didn't get the managing position I had applied for two years ago. And now it has happened again, another managing potion -another one made for me, meant to be "inherited" by me -and I get a no. This time it's not the experience time lacking that makes the Norwegian Government get grumpy. This time it is all about politics, all about letting the man be in charge, and about letting someone with two more years of pharmacist experience be put in instead of me. I am disappointed, I am actually so disappointed and sad that I have now twice broken completely down in front of boyfriend.

Both times he asked "how much wine did you have today?". The alcohol enhances the feeling of miserable. But it doesn't mean the alcohol makes me miserable. It just brings out things that are in there, emotions that I have and that are filled inside me and just happen to come out when I've had a few glasses too much. 

It always seem to amaze me how bad I feel. How much longing and hurting and pain there is inside my little body. I have problems breathing, I have problems seeing myself as a valuable human being -because of these small little things that doesn't even matter in the "big" world out there.

Sometimes I have to remember how lucky we are -how incredibly lucky we are to be born in to this country where we are safe and nothing bad happens -at least not very often. It's hard to forget every now and then how lucky I am to have my job, to live life, to not stress out and just live...

Sometimes it just hurts SO much I don't know how to bare it..

How do you get through it all?
xoxo
M

3 kommentarer:

liseliten.com sa...

Det er lov å være skuffet og lei seg.. Og det er bedre å la det komme ut enn å holde det inne. Livet gjør utrolig vondt i perioder, noen ganger varer det vonde lengre enn man egentlig orker, men man kommer seg alltid gjennom det, til slutt, på et vis. Det vil alltid sitte en liten djevel på skulderen vår og fortelle oss løgner om oss selv, vi må bare velge og våge å ikke lytte til den. Du er en av de fineste menneskene jeg vet om. Du er smart, intelligent, du er FLINK i det du gjør, du er snill, følsom (ja, det er en positiv ting det), morsom, du bryr deg om andre. Om du bare kunne se det <3

Anintua sa...

takk vakreste...

motionocean sa...

Jeg føler meg like trist i blant. Ikke fordi jeg ikke fikk jobben, men fordi livet virker så vanskelig. Så tungt og hardt. MEN som et ps. menn i lederstillinger er ikke alltid bedre enn kvinner. Det er INDIVIDET, ikke kjønnet, som avgjør. Sånt gjør meg eitrende forbanna....