Faith

People have so much faith, or is it believe you say? I think it's faith in english (pardon my french, or ahem...english). Anyway. Ever since I got an offer about this job -everyone has been telling me to go for it. Then I decided not to go for it and I posted it all over my blog and on facebook... Then the regional manager made me change my mind (uææ... I still don't know if I made the right choice). And everyone was either very happy for me, or very sad because I'm quitting my current job.

Yesterday we were out with old colleagues, and my boss told me that if I had aimed for one of the jobs in the city I would have been up there competing for them. I don't think so however. I got the impression that the only reason they could put me in this job is because they were struggling to find people who would take it. Not that that is a very nice reason for getting a job in the first place, but at the same time, taking over and hopefully changing something noone else wanted to believe in is pretty cool don't ya think?

Being out last night made me realize that whoever I talk to believes that this is the right decision, and that I will be a good manager/boss. They are all proud of me and believe in me so much it makes me kind of scared I will fail and disappoint everyone... Boyfriend says I should just accept and appreciate that everyone believe in me so much and wish me all the best. But as usual I have massive problems accepting that I might be good at something.. Especially since I've always been told the oposite by my fellow kids at school when I was really young. It's hard for me to realize what's going to happen in two months, as it seem so far ahead in the future... I talked to the boss over there and everyone was very excited (in lack of a better word) about me coming over, but I don't mean in the way that they know who I am, but in the way that they are wondering who I am!

Uææ.. I really need to get out there and present myself, but will not be able to do it the next two weeks because of different situations within this pharmacy. In addition to that, I should do it on a Tuesday since that is when I normally start my job at noon anyway, so I have a bit of time. I should talk to the regional manager about this, but then again contacting him again makes it all so real :P ha ha

I'm a whack job, I know
40 mins left of work, SO boring on Thursdays, hardly anything to do!
xo
M

took it anyway

what the hells is wrong with me, Suddenly I have a new job... Probably starting first of december. How will this end...?
stay tuned.

M

Not taking it

I've decided not to take the job. It's too much stress, both getting there and back, and the thought of taking over the pharmacy at this point. I would love to manage a pharmacy, but not this one, and not at this time. I am sure my regional manager will try to persuade me. But it's not about the money, or just about the travel time, it's about what I had been planning for the next 8 months of my life. It's about not wanting to move closer to aker brygge to take the boat, or out to the peninsula where the Pharmacy is anyway.

I'm still curious on who will be my new boss, and what will happen there. But hey, maybe in a while, there will be a possibility that I can take over another pharmacy within a year or two. I don't know what we want to do, I don't know if we want to buy a house or not within a year. I don't know whats going to happen, and taking the job would lock me down more than it would let me go in terms of freedom. I like my apartment, I like my job -although it may be boring at times. Argh... talking about it makes me wonder if I am doing the right decision, but choosing to take the job is making me more stressed out than not taking it, and I think that gives away my answer right then and there. There is no rush to become apothecary.. it can wait 2-4 years if it must.

How are you?

xoxo

M

Job opportunities

So they want to give me a job. Now they don't want to give me the job I applied for (I think It's because they can't trick their way around the system in that job). I have yet to make a list of pro's and con's.... My gut feeling said no, now it says what the F am I supposed to do...?
Here's the situation. The pharmacy in question is out on a peninsula, it will take me 1h to get to work (at least) and back home again of course. It has problems because of it's terrible location and will be moving in to a bigger location come summer of 2011. However, it would still require a whole 8-9 months of waiting for that to happen. The staff most likely has an avg age that is way above mine, and I wasn't really counting on getting a job that involved leadership at this point (Except if it was MY pharmacy).

Things to concider: Travel time to work, who will I work with, and who will I work with if I chose not to take this job. I will be getting a new boss anyway, and whoever knows who that will be? Not me. I will know tuesday however.. If I take job offer I will get a significant raise -is it worth is just for a raise? I don't think it is... This weekend I've gone from yes to no to no to yes to no again... Now I am on the verge of going insane, thinking that hey, I don't know who I am getting in here as boss over me from 1st of November, so I might as well leave the pharmacy and go somewhere else.. The things is though, I don't want that somewhere else to be the actual pharmacy they want to put me in. I'd rather wait, so what if I don't get along with my new boss, I can always just go to work, be happy with my tech-co-worker that I adore, and enjoy all my great coustomers. I am darn good at my job, and I would make a good boss, just not right now -not right there.

In other news, me and boyfriend have been playing the crap out of Global Agenda this weekend -as that was all he wanted for his birthday. I'm happy he is a simple guy, who only has one wish for his birthday -me gaming with him. He does want a Lego-Castle too, and seeing as I don't know anything else to get him, I might as well get him that too. It is around 180 USD though (1000NOK), and definetly a weird ass thing to get a guy for his 28th birthday -but again, he has no other desires, thereby -why not? I was thinking about going to ToysR'Us to see if I can find it on sale, but honestly it is just too much work getting out there just to look for a freaking lego set. So what if it's 100NOK cheaper, it's not going to be on half off anyway.

Picture of mentioned castle

Have a good day everyone, I will be keeping my mind-thinking/numbing thoughts throughout the day, so if you happen to have any tips on how to make a decision (yes I will make a pro/con list)

-Please let me know!

Have a good one

xoxo

M

Depression

Watching the last episode of OTH. Or what I thought was the last episode but apparently there's another season. In this one Haley is depressed because her mom died.. Inger, an old friend of mine, posted on facebook and her blog today that one of her friends, or acquaintance had died today. It seems like there's a lot of depression or sadness going around today. So I decided to write a post about it.

It's always sad when people pass away, and there is no words, no emotions that are big enough to describe the feeling you feel when someone you know dies, let alone when someone you LOVE dies. Been there, done that. Sounds pretty harsh, yes I know. In the moment when people have died, there seems like nothing is right in the world, and that there is no reason for anything. It will never make sense, no matter how hard you try, someones death will never make sense. Whether they die in an accident, because of illness, or because of war.. (albeit we've had this discussion before Martine, let's not get into it).

After a while it dawns on you that it wasn't a nightmare, that the people you thought were invinsible, or the people you can't believe are gone are actually exactly that -gone. But gone seems like such a harsh word, and to be honest -and this sounds tacky, but people aren't gone. If they aren't in our hearts (since our hearts are basically just a blood-pump) they are in our minds, and in our minds, even if you try, people are hardly ever forgotten. I mean how often haven't you tried to forget someone who hurt you, or some customer who is just ridiculously rude.

Depression in some cases are a matter of the mind(heart), in these cases the good old phrase that you don't believe in the moment is that time heals all wounds. Sometimes these wounds are opened again... Like the day that someone you know says as a comment, I hope I won't be that laim when someone I care for die -and you realize, and say, that's not really something you decide, that's just something that happens... Even though it is five years ago, even though most of the hurt and the pain is gone, the memories remain, and can hit you in an instant.

In other moments depression is all the moments that you've had in your life... All the people who have tried to put you down, all the people who left you behind and just didn't care anymore. The people who were never there and hurt you because of it. Bad people that really can't bug you anymore, because, guess what, they are gone. They are not in your life for a reason, so again, no reason to be depressed over that! Time, and distance(?) heals wounds too.

I'm sorry if this post doesn't make sense. Depression doesn't make sense however. And I must admit, I have been depressed for a substantial amount of my life. There was the time when I was 15, when I had an eating disorder and fainted in school because of it. There is this time after I moved away from home to get away from the people who always bothered me -and then my boyfriend and I broke it off and I was all alone (or it felt like I was all alone) and felt bad over it. Then there was a year at college, where I was being honest about who I was, and people didn't accept me for who I was. Then there was university, realizing I got over previously mentioned boyfriend, who was actually quite liberating.. but then there was the death of my at the time boyfriend, which kinda sucked. At that exact time, I was trying to find the courage to contact my biodad, which turns out, contacted me last year in Nov/Dec on FB (old story). Then there was the dealing of that, a broken friendship after a year or so, and then finally, finding someone to love again who wasn't complicated and depressed himself. Then, there was the whole biodad issue that finally got resolved before summer.

For once in my life, I feel good about myself. Yes, I have some pounds to loose. Yes, I haven't gotten in touch with my half brother, the son of my biodad that I have met once. I don't feel like dealing with it, I don't feel like dealing with meeting biodad again right now, but at least I have met him -once. I feel like my job is OK -not perfect, but OK. I've asked for a raise, I'm getting a new boss, and to be honest one of my co-workers is driving me insane, but then again, that's probably what its like at any job. My personal life is good, my boyfriend and I am doing good. We're getting used to living together, after a year of trying :P Who said relationships and living together was easy? Ok, so it's not that bad, but it does take some getting used to another person who has their ways, compared to your (maybe a teensy bit anal) obsessive ways.

I'm good. I'm happy, I can for once, in several years (however sad that might sound) say that I am not depressed. And it feels freaking fantastic...

Again, sorry if this post doesn't make sense, you are always welcome to ask me about it.

xo

M

Quote: "It's just a hill -let's climb it together"

Cleaning (and baking!)

Having Tine and Trine over for coffee tomorrow, and seeing that my boss brought cake in to work the other day, I decided to make the same cake for tomorrow. So here goes, look at this calorie-killer:

6 eggs
9 dl (!) of sugar -stir these until they become airy and in Norwegian is known as "eggedosis"
mix the following dries:
4,5 dl of wheat-flour
12 table spoons of cocoa powder
2 table spoons of vanilla sugar
then use
375 g of butter - melt and let cool a bit

Miks in the dries and the butter a bit at a time into the egg/sugar mix.
Finally, chop 1 cup of almonds and stir into the batter before putting it in a baking dish (I used a rectangular one, maybe 20cmx30cm?)

Bake in the oven (I used the lower part of the oven so it wouldn't burn on top) at 150 degrees celcius for about 50 minutes, the middle part is supposed to stay a teeeeensy bit raw, although I had to cook it for 1 hour 5 min and it wasn't on mine, it was still delicious! (pic will be posted when I find my camera cord)

Right now manning up to cleaning the rest of the apartment, starting with the bedroom. I stripped the bed of our sheets and are planning to clean under the bed before I put them back on. Meaning if I am to clean the bedroom I kind of have to do it today, as I do need to put on sheets to sleep there tonight (although Pete wouldn't care if I didn't). The hallway just needs some light vacuuming, and the livingroom some small de-cluttering. Actually I want to de-clutter this whole place, as I know I have plenty of stuff in the kitchen I don't even use, and I have plenty of stuff in my wardrobe that is just taking up space too. We'll see, one way or the other things will look better as time passes on.

Guess maybe a glass of white wine will do the trick to give me some energy? The weather is just so inviting for white wine.. :)
Have a good saturday everyone
xoxo
M

Annoyances in life

On the way to work today I kept thinking about all the small things in life that are annoying. Ok, maybe not the most uplifting of thoughts, but still. First of all, the tram was packed.. and even though people are only going down town, and could potentially take the next tram that leaves in three minutes, most people prefer taking the one that arrives then and there... So people end up leaning on each other and jamming themselves close to the doors. It's the same on the way home, on the bus -people jam themselves on, even though there is no space. This leads to the bus driver not being able to close the doors, and me not coming home when I am supposed to come home.

I get it though, I do get it... You don't wanna wait for a bus or a tram that's supposed to be next but that is most likely late, and or equally as full. It's just, people rubbing up against me with either their a. Ass, or b. stomach, really doesn't feel too great at 8.30 am in the morning. I also get late for work because the tram is delayed, which is also annoying. Luckily, there's other people at work, and this will also only last until in a week and a half when our normal opening hours start again. But still... stop rubbing up against me.. (I'm so happy whenever I get the window seat... so pleasing it's not even funny).

Another, more important annoyance however... Cigarette butts -seriously they are EVERYWHERE! I saw this guy smoking his cigarette on the way to a cab this morning, and he just threw it behind him like it was the most comm

on thing to do ever.... to just throw it at the ground like the ground is a pile of trash... and then I looked around and turns out, guess what, IT IS! Argh.. Wouldn't this sign be appropriate?

I guess I won't get my way on cigarette butts, but if you do smoke, would you mind NOT throwing it on the ground, is it really THAT hard to find somewhere to put it that doesn't make a mess of the world around you? Just saying

xoxo

M