søndag 16. januar 2011

Being a Virgo -planning freak

My boyfriend doesn't believe in anything. He doesn't believe in God (well, to be honest neither do I), he doesn't believe in faith or "signs" of any kind -including star signs. Now, again, to be honest anyone can write anything, and somwhere in what you wrote someone will recognize themselves/their own personalities. In any book you can read at page six, and take every second letter of every third word and make some fortune telling code that something will happen at a certain point in time. However, when it comes to one part of the description of the virgo there is one thing that fits me to a T -the whole planning thing.

Whenever I know where I want to go on vacation, I have this massive urge to order tickets -just to make sure I will be able to travel on the datesDid I do it? Of course I didn't, I planned it at least two months ahead, so I knew what dates I would leave and get home.

Now this can be a handy skill, planning vacation is kind of important as you have to let your employer know when you will be there and when you won't. My biggest problem these days is about my future though. Being with someone who has a job where things are more uncertain than in my business means concidering moving to new locations is on ou that I've picked. I can't just wait and see if there are available flights on that day and just leave. My best friend is a tour guide, so hotel booking and other stuff wouldn't really have been an issue, and I could have waited until the day before travelling to her to buy a ticket.. r minds every now and then. My biggest problem is the fact that I have just started a job where there is changes needed, and I am the person who is trusted to do it. Even though I said when I accepted the job offer that I might not stay for longer than 6-9 months I still feel like I want to manage this. I want to be the best goddamn manager I can be, and do my best to get this thing up and running as it should be before I one day move on to something else.

We have been talking back and fourth forever, about possibly moving out of the country. Where is not relevant at this time. I am having big time struggles deciding whether I can leave my current life and go. On one side, I would want nothing else but to leave this country and just go... go wherever, experience an adventure. On the other side I feel like I need to prove myself, and if I left my work in six months, maybe all my accomplishments would just disappear because noone will follow up on it. Then again, is that such a big deal?

I also fear that if I leave something bad will happen and I will be several hundres/thousands kilometers away and not be able to fix it. I am also scared I will lose my job, and never be able to come back to my manage job and the payment that comes with it. On the other hand, I am 26 years old (really obsessing about the age thing ain't I) and I have about 40 more years in work-life ahead of me. My biggest problem is the planning... I want to be able to plan where I am in six months... When I write it down like this it sounds terrible, and it sounds really silly and stupid.. But honestly that is the truth. I just want to know where I am, or know where I would work if we moved wherever.

Fact of the matter is anywhere we moved it would probably be out of Europe, which means I would not be able to use my pharmacy degree for anything. I might be able to use my chemistry for something, and work as a lab assistant or as a laborant of some kind. I have a masters, but I only got a C on it, and for a resume that you give out, that might not look too good abroad. That kind of annoys me, because I am damn good at what I do, I just wrote a pretty bad paper (or, an OK paper, not a great one). I am worried I will never find a job, I am worried I will have left perfectly good Norway, with my great salary, and high taxes -that at least give me health care, for some country where I don't know what I will get.... It scares the shit out of me.. Friday I even said "If you move out of the country, I don't think I can join you". However, today I don't really see the big problem..
Am I crazy? (yes)

4 kommentarer:

martine sa...

But remember, the zodiac just changed. You're probably a Leo now (like Andreas). Time to be lazy and arrogant. I turned into a cancer. A useless insecure hard-shelled, sideways walking crab.

On a more serious note: Listen to both sides inside you. The need for adventure is coming from somewhere, as is the need for security. Try to find a middle ground. (I'm trying to be happy where I am even though I don't know what will happen in 2 years.)

Anintua sa...

How can I know what sign I am? Now I'm scared I can't even plan that!:P muhaha

Cassandra sa...

I'm an avid planner myself, so I feel your pain!

Unfortunately, as you very well have experienced, there are often times you simply can't plan a thing. I find it distressing, but usually it helps to think of it an opportunity to be "crazy and spontaneous" for once :)

As for the not knowing where you'll live and work six months from here, it's a hard one. Do you have to move right away if P leaves the country? You could join him a few months later, giving you time to tie up loose ends...

Stine sa...

If you worri to much about tomorrow you forget to enjoy today..

But i think we are brought up in northern norway to be worried people.. My gran has always worried her self about the slightest little things..